


again, spring

by jjayseungs



Series: for yeonkai [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Attempt at Humor, Blood and Injury, Bullying, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hope, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I AM A MESS, I Don't Even Know, Insecurity, M/M, Melodrama, Mentions of Suicide, Music Majors!Yeonkai, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, YeonKai Are Whipped For Each Other, hopelessness, references to nature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjayseungs/pseuds/jjayseungs
Summary: the eyes are the window to a person's heart. thus, the sayingthe eyes never lieexists. hueningkai is not sure what his eyes are reflecting, but yeonjun smiles at him again, a smile that awakens the butterfly in his body.yeonjun's presence breathes the spring back into his life.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun/Huening Kai
Series: for yeonkai [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120403
Comments: 55
Kudos: 52





	1. i used to be just fine being alone

**Author's Note:**

> hello. this is only going to be a few chapters. i was inspired to write this after listening to [kihyun's again, spring.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4w_DKqtJ8w)
> 
> the song really suits the mood of this story. i hope that this story will be a pleasant read to everyone. and since I love yeonkai and wants them to be happy, this story was born out of that context.
> 
> enjoy! <3

_Numb_.

Hueningkai does not feel his limbs or hands, or  _anything_ . The blood trickles to his chin, and each droplet creates a ripple at the cold tiled ground. He curls his body closer to the wall, afraid if Suk Chin will punch him again. He tries to breathe in, but the blood clogs his nose, and Hueningkai starts to panic. Hueningkai can only see the darkness, and it suffocates him. He hears Chul frantically asking Suk Chin to let him go, "Ya, Suk Chin, I think it is enough. He is not moving!"

Chul kicks his feet, but Hueningkai presses harder to the wall. If only the wall can swallow him now, Hueningkai will be grateful. But it gets harder to breathe, not when he starts to lose the sense of reality. 

Suk Chin approaches him, and Hueningkai flinches. He hides his face in between his legs and prays the other will go away.  _I t is just another awful dream_ ; his little heart desperately pleads.  _It is just a nightmare. I will wake up soon_ .

He feels a rough tug on his head, jerking his whole body to look at Suk Chin. Deep in his heart, Hueningkai knows this might be the end for him. He closes his eyes and waits for another blow to rupture his scarred face. 

The grip on his head loosens and Hueningkai panics, afraid of the other's surprise attack. Instead, he hears a piercing scream coming from Chul, and Hueningkai dares to open his eyes. 

Chul and Suk Chin are lying on the floor while holding their stomachs. His eyes are blown wide upon seeing a guy with pink hair standing in front of them. Hueningkai has never seen this stranger before, but his presence brings a sudden warmth to his heart. 

Suk Chin tries to get up, but the guy punches him on the face. Chul runs away without looking back, leaving his friend behind. The pink-haired guy approaches Suk Chin and grabs his collar firmly, "Ya, Suk Chin, if I see you disturb him again, I will kill you." 

Suk Chin cries in terror, "Okay! Okay! I will not disturb him again, I swear! I am sorry!"

Hueningkai wants to cry, but he is too tired. There is no energy left in his body, and all he wants to do right now is to sleep and never wake up. 

"Do not apologize to me," The guy says with venom, and pulls Suk Chin's body to face Hueningkai. "Apologize to him." 

The guy is looking at him, and the fire in his eyes are disappearing. There is a kind of softness emitting from those orbs, and Hueningkai wants to run away, but Suk Chin grabs his hands before he can escape. 

"Hueningkai, I am so sorry! Forgive me!" Suk Chin apologizes. He looks back and forth, from Hueningkai to the pink-haired guy. When Hueningkai does not utter a reply, the guy presses Suk Chin's back with his foot. "Apologize, until he forgives you,"

Suk Chin bows close to his feet, "Please forgive me, Hueningkai! I will not bully you again! Please forgive me!"

How can Hueningkai forgive him? After all the beatings, the bullying, and the hate he receives since he first came to this school; how can Hueningkai easily forgive Suk Chin? Anger is bubbling in his stomach, but Hueningkai knows himself better than anyone else. He knows that no matter how much he despises Suk Chin and Chul, a piece of his heart wants to forgive them. He believes that everyone was born kind; life changes them. 

With a heavy heart, Hueningkai nods slowly. The guy releases Suk Chin, and he runs without looking back. A part of him feels a slight relief, but another fragment of his heart feels empty. What will happen to him now?

"Hey, are you okay?" 

Hueningkai looks up to find those eyes are colliding with his own. Those eyes evoke an eerie feeling in him, something that suffocates and calms him down, and Hueningkai feels so vulnerable in front of him, so weak. He closes his eyes and allows the tears to flow. 

Someone is hugging him. Warm arms are encircling his waist, pulling his fragile body closer to the other. "Hey, hey, do not cry," The guy whispers while rocking their body together. "I am here. You are not alone," 

His heart hurts so much, but those words are supposed to comfort him. Hueningkai does not have anyone here: an exchange student who lives a thousand miles away from his parents, and a best friend who lives in another state. Hueningkai is always alone, and no one has ever taken an interest in him. Suk Chin and Chul said he was awkward and weird, just because he was a foreigner. Hueningkai does not understand that, but other students distance themselves from him too. Maybe Hueningkai is different after all.

In this life, he never expects someone to rescue him, to be friends with him. But this guy came to the scene, like a knight in shining armour, and saves Hueningkai. He does not understand how the universe works, but he does not understand why the other rescues him more.

The other guy pushes his body away and stands up. Hueningkai's heart shatters for a moment, but realization hits him. Every beautiful moment is temporary; it will not last forever.

Hueningkai is ready to limp across the hall again and rest in the infirmary, but he does not stand a chance when the other carries him in his arms. He screeches in surprise and tries to break away from the other's hold. But the guy is holding him firmly and does not let go. "Let me take you to the infirmary,"

He tries to find something in those eyes, but he sees warmth and growing responsibility. Hueningkai pushes the other's chest in hopes the other will release him. "I can go by myself," He says, "Thank you for helping me. Please let me go,"

Hueningkai does not want the other to sympathize him, and he does not want the guy to feel responsible for anything that happened before. He is okay, and he will get through life just the way he did previously. It is not the other's business to take care of him.

His pink hair delicately falls to his eyes, and Hueningkai feels the sudden urge to tuck the naughty strand away. He bites his bloodied lips, thinking that it is just another illusion created by his insane mind. 

The other ignores Hueningkai completely and heads out to the infirmary while holding him in his arms. Other students start to chatter; some girls express their jealousy, while some guys are laughing at Hueningkai. As soon as the guy glares at them, they went silent. 

Hueningkai has never seen this guy before. He does not know who is this pink-haired guy. But judging from the way the students are behaving, he must be quite powerful. The boisterous chatter dies down immediately when the guy glared at them. 

In his muscular arms, Hueningkai finds solace, and he finds home. The latter's minty scent calms the tsunami in his mind. He finally feels the pain on his limbs, and the sting on his face. As he rests his head on the other's chest, the last thing he remembers is a small smile on the pink-haired guy's face.

When Hueningkai opens his eyes, he sees a streak of sunshine bursting from the opened-glass windows of the infirmary; he smiles.

He looks around the room and is surprised to see the guy is staring right into him. "How are you feeling?" He asks. His raspy voice somewhat complements the fire in those eyes, but Hueningkai loves the sedative effect his voice is giving. It feels nice; his voice sounds like a lullaby his mother sings him to bed every night. 

Hueningkai sits up properly and laces his fingers together in nervousness. "I am fine." He answers, tersely. 

The other is smiling at him, and this time, his smile is friendly and warm. "I am Choi Yeonjun, from the music department," He introduces himself and extends a hand. 

Hueningkai feels reluctant, but he does not think much. Their hands met, and Hueningkai sees the other flinch slightly. Maybe his hands are too cold. "My name is Hueningkai Kamal. I am from the music department too,"

The other smiles. "Hueningkai," Yeonjun says, testing the waters. "Can I call you Huening?" 

He feels weird, but a pleasant-kind-of-weird. Hueningkai doubts he will see the elder again after today, so, it will not hurt to say yes, right? 

"You can, hyung." He shortly replies. He tries to ignore the glint in Yeonjun's eyes, but it is too bright that it blinds him.

"You are from the music department as well?" Yeonjun asks enthusiastically.

"Yes,"

"What semester? Specializing in?"

"Second semester. Composition and keyboard," Hueningkai timidly answers while playing with the ends of the blanket.

Yeonjun shows him a thumb up, "Nice," He pauses, "I am in my fifth semester. I am taking vocals, but I am interested in dance too,"

Hueningkai nods, feeling his cheeks are warmer than usual. Their conversation feels intimate, at least from Hueningkai's perspective, since he has never talked to someone in college before. It feels new, foreign, but refreshing.

The late-winter sun is shining their warm rays to earth, and each trail of light complements Yeonjun's unique features. He is manly and handsome, and everything that Hueningkai is not. 

"Is there something on my face?" Yeonjun asks, and Hueningkai's face turns beet red in a heartbeat.

Now, he will think you are a creep, his mind says. He scratches his head, trying to hide the embarrassment. "N-nothing," 

_Great_ . Hueningkai just stuttered out of nowhere.

Yeonjun is laughing, and his laugh reminds Hueningkai of home. Everything about Yeonjun reminds him of Hawaii; the cool sea breeze, the coarse sand underneath his feet, and the bed he sleeps on every night, and Hueningkai is afraid. 

He is afraid of Yeonjun, of the feelings he experiences when his eyes meet Yeonjun's.

He gulps the bile hanging on his throat and says, "Thank you for helping me, Yeonjun-hyung. You can go now. It is already the end of class anyway," He tries to say casually without a hint of sadness or regret. After today, when both of them are going separate ways, it will be another day that no one remembers. Hueningkai will remember them all as something both beautiful and bitter-sweet. Yeonjun does not have to remember his name or face after today; no one ever did.

Yeonjun inches closer to Hueningkai, and he does not understand the determination in those eyes. "Why would I? I want to be friends with you," 

"Why?" Hueningkai asks, purely out of curiosity. He does not trust people that easily. It is hard to open up to Yeonjun too. It is easier if Yeonjun does not even try.

The elder chuckles and ruffles his hair. "I just want to,"

The eyes are the window to a person's heart. Thus, the saying ' _the eyes never lie_ ' exists. Hueningkai is not sure what his eyes are reflecting, but Yeonjun smiles at him again, a smile that awakens the butterfly in his body. 

"I hope we can be friends," Yeonjun says, with a friendly smile, and a hint of cheekiness. "I want to be friends with you, Huening,"

The curtains are flying all over the place as the breeze gushes into the infirmary. Amid the chaos, Hueningkai sees delicate strands of pink are following the mild groove, like flower petals floating in spring and as if time stops ticking, Yeonjun's pair of brown universe greets him again with a sincere welcoming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the errors. sorry for hurting our precious hueningie :'( the next chapter will be better for everyone, and new characters will be introduced. stay tuned! x
> 
> best regards.


	2. but your spring has melted my winter heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time stops ticking as yeonjun smiles at hueningkai, the same smile that elicits forgotten happiness, a smile that breathes in spring back into his winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning** : there is an episode of an **anxiety attack.** please skip if you are not comfortable reading it. 
> 
> this chapter is quite bittersweet. i hope that you guys will be okay while reading it. do tell me if it is too much :') //i often get carried away when I'm writing//
> 
> thank you for reading this chapter + this story! sorry for every mistake. take care. x

"I can go home by myself, Yeonjun-hyung," Hueningkai assures.

Both of them are out on the open field, and Hueningkai believes this is where they will bid their goodbyes. Yeonjun had gone through troubles to save him from Suk Chin, and Hueningkai does not intend to burden the other anymore. It is still a mystery to Hueningkai- why the other is helping him- but he will let it pass without much thought. The elder will not answer him anyway, and Hueningkai thinks it is not valuable for the other after all. 

Maybe Yeonjun is just a kind person; kind enough to help someone as helpless as Hueningkai.

"Are you sure?" Yeonjun asks with worry. As much as Hueningkai wants to take refuge in the way Yeonjun is treating him with kindness, but he cannot afford to dwell in these forbidden uncertainties. Yeonjun is like the wind; he will come, and he will go without notice. Hueningkai is not capable of doing anything to hold onto Yeonjun.

He nods enthusiastically with a smile so bright that it comes out as saddening and rather pathetic. Hueningkai is not sure either: who is he trying to convince? Yeonjun, or himself?

Yeonjun chuckles, and it sounds like those happy shrieks of a child, of his sweet, little sister Bahiyih. Hueningkai stops smiling in an instant. 

"Hey, you do not have to act strong. If you are hurt, do not be silent. Huening-ah," Yeonjun calls, stepping forward to ruffle his hair again. "You can rely on me, okay?"

_I do not want to_ , Hueningkai's heart shatteringly confess. Hueningkai does not have the will to rely on someone, especially Yeonjun.

He smiles again and hopes the other will not see the cracks forming on his face. "No worries, hyung. I am fine. Thanks for today!"

And with that, Hueningkai runs. He runs as fast as he can without looking back. While running to his small apartment, crossing all the red lights and endless roads, he allows the heavy tears to cascade.

It is already night time when Hueningkai wakes up from his deep slumber.

He tries to forget everything that had happened today; every event is in fragments, and it is difficult for Hueningkai to glue them together. He does not want to remember either, especially about someone with pink hair, fox-like eyes, and a smile that makes him feel vulnerable.

His feet kiss the cold tile as he tatters to the kitchen. His throat is screaming for something cool and refreshing, and when he sees his favourite grape juice, he chugs them down in one sitting. Hueningkai smiles as the familiar taste of sweetness wash the coarse bitterness away. 

A familiar tune resounds in his small apartment, and Hueningkai runs to find his handphone. As he sees a familiar name on the screen, his heart feels light again.

Before he presses the green button, Hueningkai checks himself out in the mirror; dried tear tracks are still evident on his face, and the bruise is still purple. He curses under his breath and runs to the sink. He splashes the cold water on his face to freshen up. Hueningkai desperately hopes the other will not notice anything.

With a deep breath, Hueningkai accepts the video call. Immediately, a familiar face pops out on the screen. He smiles genuinely for the first time today.

"Hyuka!" The other cheerfully greets him, and Hueningkai wants to hug the other so bad, it hurts.

He smiles again, "Taehyun-ah,"

_Taehyun_. 

Kang Taehyun is his childhood best friend. They had known each other for ages, and Taehyun knows him in and out. He relies on Taehyun, but when his best friend decides to accept the offer from Seoul National University instead of Korea National University, Hueningkai believes it is the best decision for them both. 

At times, Hueningkai wants to run to SNU and hugs Taehyun. It is too much for him to bear all the weight alone, but he cannot possibly lean on his best friend forever. He needs to stand up for himself, and he did, but Suk Chin still bullies him. Hueningkai does not know what to do.

"Hey, best friend! Have you eat- wait," Taehyun pauses, and his face is closer to the screen now. Hueningkai knows the interrogating session will happen soon. 

Taehyun squints his eyes, and Hueningkai prays to God that the other will not notice anything different on his face. He only shows the right side of his unblemished face. Deep down, he prays that Taehyun will not see the purple blot near his mouth. 

"Hyuka," His voice sounds cold and chilling. Hueningkai is in big trouble. "Did that douchebag beat you again?!" 

_Ah_ , he heaves a heavy sigh. Hueningkai is not ready to answer Taehyun's questions, but he cannot escape either.

He tries to smile as sincerely as he can, but the other glares at him. Hueningkai fails to not make his best friend worry about him.

Taehyun is not someone that can tolerate injustice or violence. Taehyun has always been the stronger one, while Hueningkai is delicate and too kind, according to the other. 

"I am sorry, Taehyun-ah,"

"Huening..." Taehyun calls, and his voice is lacing with sadness this time. "Why are you apologizing to me? That scum needs to apologize to you!"

"He did," Hueningkai answers quietly. 

Taehyun frowns in disbelief. "He did?"

"Yeah," He pauses. Anxiety is starting to ripple in his stomach as the events of today begin to play in his mind; again, he remembers the pink hair, fox eyes, and a scent that is so homey, Hueningkai is having trouble to breathe.

Sensing the panic from Hueningkai's pale features, Taehyun tries to calm his best friend down. "Hyuka, listen to me. Breathe in, and breathe out. Repeat this cycle six times, okay?"

Hueningkai follows the other's instruction and starts breathing. As soon as he finishes, his vision blurs, and Taehyun's face is in patches instead. 

"Oh, _Hyuka_..." Taehyun heartbrokenly calls. "I am so sorry, Ning. I did not mean to scold you..."

Hueningkai backs away and presses his body to the nearest wall. With no energy left in his legs, he falls to the ground with a soft thud. He pushes the bangs away from his forehead and wipes the tears away. "Taehyun-ah, do not feel bad," He says. "It was just another tough day for me. Tomorrow will be better-"

"I am coming over this weekend," Taehyun interrupts. "Nothing in this world will prevent me from coming to you, Hyuka, mark my words."

When he stares into his best friend's face, those big rounds are shining too. Hueningkai does not want the latter to cry, not because of him, not anymore. 

"Okay," Hueningkai replies with a small smile. "Please come here, Taehyun-ah. I do not think I can hold on any longer," 

Taehyun nods, and Hueningkai falls limp. He hides his face in between his legs, hugging his body closer and harder to the wall. The space surrounding him right now feels too tight that it squeezes the air from pumping into his lungs. He feels lightheaded: as if the world is grounding and shaping him into a box with no chance to escape.

Amid the chaos, a smiling Yeonjun greets his darkening vision with warmth and comfort. He pinches the sides of his waist; he wants to wake up from this beautiful dream. _I want to wake up-_

He looks up, and Taehyun is still there, patiently waiting for his best friend to come to his senses again.

"Hyuka, you can tell me anything, and you know that." Taehyun whispers. His voice is soothing, but those eyes are frantic and desperate. He feels guilty of making Taehyun this worried; he has always been.

Even when he closes his eyes again, he remembers the smirk on Yeonjun's face and how the elder's voice makes him think of _home_. It is haunting and creeping the sanity out from Hueningkai. 

He gazes at his best friend warily, not sure if he needs to tell this to Taehyun. "Someone helped me today," Hueningkai pauses, waiting for Taehyun to say anything. The other only looks at him, and he takes this as a sign to continue. "I do not know why he helped me. He punched Suk Chin and Chul. They were bleeding the way I did. There was anger in his eyes and something I cannot figure out. Taehyun-ah..." His eyes are starting to water again.

"I am so confused..." He bites down the sob from erupting. "Why did he help me?" _Why did he make me feel so weak?_

He sees Taehyun's hands reach out to the screen, a gesture that he will always do whenever they are video-calling. Hueningkai brings his handphone close to his face, and Taehyun traces his fingers on his best friend's cheeks, wiping the tears away virtually.

"I believe he hates injustice," Taehyun answers, "the way I do too." 

"He helped you because he knows you did not do anything wrong. Those motherfuckers are the problem, and not you, Hyuka-ya." 

The smile is coming back to paint his face in colours, and a tinge of happiness starts to sprout in his heart once more. "You are the most beautiful and angelic human being I have ever met, Ning. They are in a loss for not knowing that,"

Upon hearing Taehyun's words, Hueningkai laughs a little.

"There it is. That is the Hueningkai Kamal I know," Taehyun coos, and the smile on his face brightens even more.

"Sorry for being an idiot and cried like a baby, Taehyunnie. Why are you not disgusted even though you have seen my snot and all?" 

"It is because you are my best friend. I accept all your snots and everything in between," Taehyun playfully replies, earning vomiting sounds from Hueningkai as a response. 

Taehyun's smile is gentler now as he utters, "I will be here, forever. You do not have to be afraid, okay?" His smile turns into a smirk as he quirks his eyebrow up and down teasingly. "And I believe someone is going to be with you forever too."

He laughs, genuinely, this time, as if today was just another nightmare. 

"Idiot," Hueningkai says as he sticks his tongue out.

Even so, when he closes his eyes again that night, all he sees is Yeonjun smiling at him.

Hueningkai loves witnessing the small buds of leaves starts to sprout on the naked tree trunks. It indicates the long-awaited arrival of spring. He loves spring the most; he loves seeing those flowers blooming, and the grass turns a vivid green. He loves the freshness of spring air and the memories of him and Taehyun playing at the playground while laughing boisterously. He loves spring as it conjures sincere happiness inside of him.

He walks along the pavement, heading straight to his department with light steps and a clear mind. _Today is a new day, and a new me_. Nothing is going stop Hueningkai from being happy today.

The universe works in the most unexpected ways. The cosmic irony of events that bounds to fall into place is not something a mere human can ever predict. Life is beautiful that way, and heartbreaking, in a sense that surprises you with either the good or bad. 

"Huening!" 

Hueningkai stops in his tracks. 

The late-winter sun is shining onto the figure in front of him, with the wind that gushes everywhere, he sees those messy pink strands are dancing in elegance once again. 

The distance between them is enclosing, the pull of gravity is nonexistent, and Hueningkai questions the universe and their plans to bind two different souls together. 

Time stops ticking as Yeonjun smiles at Hueningkai, the same smile that elicits forgotten happiness, a smile that breathes in spring back into his winter.

"Huening," Yeonjun calls, and Hueningkai holds onto the last fibre of sanity left in his mind to not fall into that welcoming trap.


	3. i don't want to go back to winter again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "all you need is patience, and all huening requires is time. that is it, hyung."
> 
> _time._
> 
> yeonjun hopes that time will solve everything the way it did in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning:** anxiety attack.
> 
> i'm so sorry if the concept of anxiety bothers you. as someone who easily feels anxious about everything, I am sorry if this story does not do them justice. i am just inserting events that had happened to me before, and how I coped with it. i am so sorry. but I just want to centralize this idea- that anxiety, and other mental health issues is severe and should not be looked down. i hope that through my story, it can create awareness to the readers out there.
> 
> okay, that is a long note. lol
> 
> this chapter is longer than the previous. there are hints of jealous!yeonjun here and there, with a teasing soobin to go along with it. I hope that I manage to capture their dynamics at least 5% in this story hehe. tyunning are soulmates and I love them with all of my heart <'3
> 
> will hueningkai opens up to yeonjun? and who is soobin referring to? who is this _him_? stay tuned!
> 
> ps: I will not be able to update this story for a few days I guess? I have an important assignment to complete, and the due is next week's Monday //so much of being a literature major// it is quite hard to wreck my brain for that essay, but when I am writing fanfics, ideas are overflowing. ~~i am so stressed out I swear~~
> 
> thank you for reading this humble piece of mine. i apologize for every mistake contained in this story. take care. 
> 
> best regards.

"Huening-ah, good morning."

A warm and friendly smile greets him; under the leafless trees, the drunken late-winter sun, and the chilly breeze, Hueningkai is falling. 

Somehow, everything that he had planned is going to waste. To witness such etherealness in front of his undeserving eyes is a gift and a curse, respectively. Hueningkai is too weak; he finds himself surrendering to temptation. 

Every step that Yeonjun takes toward him is tugging each of his heartstrings; an acoustic melody starts to thrum in his beating heart and makes him mindless due to the overwhelming sensation. He hears the electrifying strum, along with the thunderous metronome going off in his restless mind; _tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock._

And when Yeonjun smiles, all hell breaks loose. Hueningkai has nowhere to go or hide.

Awkwardly, Hueningkai replies while bitting the insides of his cheeks. "Good morning, Yeonjun-hyung."

Yeonjun laughs at him a lot, and he wonders if whatever he is doing amuses the elder. "Hey, why are you so stiff?" The other asks, "I am not going to eat you. You know that right?"

The latter closes the almost non-existent distance between them again ( _as if they are not already close enough_ ) and plays with his overgrown auburn-coloured hair. The gesture feels profound to Hueningkai, and he thinks Yeonjun is too comfortable crossing the boundaries he has been building. There is no use strengthening those forts now, Yeonjun is going to smash them anyway. 

When only Hueningkai finds the urge to reply, a blue-haired guy approaches them both with rainbows trailing him. Immediately, a pair of cute dimples greet him, and it amazes Hueningkai. The other looks are so young and bubbly and _alive_. Hueningkai is jealous of that glow; he wants to be just like this shining figure too.

"Good morning, Yeonjun-hyung!" He cheers, and Yeonjun's smile is fond and soft. Something is stinging in his chest, but Hueningkai shrugs the ominous feeling away before it can haunt him. 

He does not expect the other to smile at him, two times wider than before, and squishes his cheeks. "Good morning, Hueningie! You are as adorable as Yeonjun-hyung has told me! Look at these cheeks! So soft, and squishy and-"

"Soobin-ah, you are scaring him," Yeonjun intervenes, and the so-called Soobin instantly pulls his hands away from Hueningkai's reddening pillows.

Yeonjun comes forward again and starts drawing those familiar soothing patterns on his cheeks. Those fox-like eyes are piercing, but just enough to highlight the worry and delight. Hueningkai notices this a lot whenever Yeonjun is near him; those orbs are a blend of affection, hilarity, and an imbue Hueningkai cannot fathom. 

Yeonjun hits Soobin hard on the chest and the other yelps in pain. "Ya! His cheeks are all red now! He still has a bruise there! Be careful!"

Hueningkai wishes he does not witness the look of worry and discomfort on Yeonjun's face. If he does not see it, it will be better for his heart. But he _did_ see it, and his fragile mind starts to think of all the _what if'_ s. Those thoughts are beautiful, but Hueningkai is not a dreamer. He is a realist, and the reality is: Yeonjun sympathizes him because of the incident and nothing more.

Soobin approaches him and engulfs him in a hug. "I am so sorry, Hueningie. I did not mean to hurt you. You are so adorable. I want to hold you and protect you," The other whispers to his crown of hair, and he feels warm. Warm enough to ease the storm in his heart and cosy still to make him think of Taehyun's bright grin.

_I am going to protect him_ ; someone breathes out. He heard those words, faint enough to make out every syllable, but clear enough to make him look up and sees Yeonjun's eyes are already on him. The expression on Yeonjun's face is a mystery Hueningkai can never resolve. 

"Okay, that is enough. Let go now, Soobin," Yeonjun comes in between them both and pulls Hueningkai over to him instead. Those hands holding Hueningkai's wrist feels hot, and it leaves a burnt patch on his skin. _It will remain for a long time_ , his heart ticks defeatedly.

Soobin, clearly annoyed with the other, stick his tongue out and crosses his arms. "You are so possessive that it looks stupid on you, hyung," 

"Says the one who out-of-nowhere pinched someone's cheeks without introducing themselves,"

_Touché_.

Upon realizing this, the other quickly take both of Hueningkai's hands and shakes them furiously. "Oh my! Where are my manners!" Deep dimples are smiling sheepishly at him again, "My name is Soobin, and I am in my fourth semester. I heard you are from the music department too?"

He gulps the air stuck in his throat, confused as to why he is still nervous around the other even he feels no harm. "Yes."

"Same here! I am taking vocals, but also loves dancing. I heard you are taking composition and keyboard?"

"Yes,"

"That is so cool!" Soobin claps and jumps around jovially. Hueningkai is drunk with so much positive energy surrounding him that it gets mind-boggling. He does not expect this explosion of sunshine so early in the morning, but it is something he has never experienced before. It feels great.

He scratches the back of his head, an act to hide the embarrassment sprouting in his chest. "Thank you, Soobin-hyung. You are cool too," He manages to say with sincerity. 

Soobin smiles at him, and Hueningkai shyly reciprocates. At the corner of his eyes, he sees Yeonjun's pouty lips and his heart thrums for the nth time. 

"Sorry to break the moment, but Soobin-ah, I believe your class will start in 10 minutes, hm? So why are you still here?" 

The other looks at his watch and starts to panic. "Oh, God! I am going to be late! Thanks, hyung!" Soobin pats Yeonjun's shoulder gratefully and manages to pinch Hueningkai's cheeks before leaving. 

"I will see you soon, Hueningie! Take care!" Soobin waves energetically at him, and Hueningkai waves back with a small smile.

He stops when he feels Yeonjun's fingers are tucking some strands of hair behind his ear. "Sorry for that," he pauses, "that must be a lot to take in, hm, Huening?" he asks while his eyes are focusing on fixing Hueningkai's hair. 

With Yeonjun, miraculously, he does not have to pretend. He does not have to act that he is okay or not afraid of anything. He can freely express his emotions, and it challenges his beliefs: the notion sends him back-and-forth in a war between good and poor judgement. They have just met, but why Hueningkai believes he can risk everything he has for the sake of this blooming friendship?

"It does." He answers.

"But Soobin is a nice guy. When he says he will protect you, he means it," 

Hueningkai smiles, feeling serene. "I am glad."

Yeonjun stops his every move, and those powerful eyes are finding their way into Hueningkai's heart again. "Huening," The other calls, just above a whisper, just enough for him to hear.

He answers with a twinkle of curiosity in his eyes, and Yeonjun receives the signal too well like he has known Hueningkai for ages. 

"I am a nice guy too," The elder says, the last syllable quivers a tad as the shine in those orbs are dimming. "I will protect you. I promise." 

It hurts more to hear those sincere words now. 

It hurts because Yeonjun looks like he is willing to give up the entire universe, but Hueningkai feels undeserving. From both Yeonjun and Soobin, he does not deserve to be protected. He is a nobody, a stranger: he is just someone that Yeonjun met with blood and bruises staining his imperfections. He does not deserve this.

"I appreciate it, hyung," Hueningkai starts, trying to find the right words. "But I do not think I can handle it. It is too much,"

"What is?" Yeonjun fires back, the sudden red in those eyes is menacing.

"You," Hueningkai breathily answers. "You are scaring me, Yeonjun-hyung."

Yeonjun steps back, an act of defence. Hurt is painting his handsome face in peaks of blue and grey. "Did I do something wrong, Huening?"

Suddenly, the walls crashing down on him again and push all the oxygen out from his constricting lungs; he tries to breathe, but every intake of air burns his windpipe. It is too much.

"It is not you, hyung," he replies, frantic and out of breath. "It is just me. I am the problem, I- _I_ -"

He steps back until his back collides with the tree trunk. He holds his heaving chest and closes his eyes. All the beating, the punch, the kick, the blood, and the hurtful words are playing in his mind again. 

"Huening-ah," Yeonjun runs to him and holds his shoulders firmly. "Open your eyes, and look at me," The elder pleads, and Hueningkai abides. 

"Look at me, yeah?"

He nods.

"I want you to breathe in and out. It is going to be okay."

Hueningkai breathes, deep and long. Comforting hands are rubbing repetitive patterns on his shoulders, and his heart starts to expand bit by bit. 

"Can you hear me?" Yeonjun asks, his eyes are everywhere, and all Hueningkai can see.

"Yes," He breathes out.

There it is again. There is that guilt in Yeonjun's eyes, and Hueningkai knows he messed up. 

"I am sorry, Huening," He steps away, full of regret, further apart until they are both six feet away from each other. "I am so sorry."

And with that, Yeonjun runs away.

Hueningkai watches the other's silhouette disappears with every step. The sun is pulling Yeonjun to their side, while Hueningkai is left in the dark all alone. 

Is not this what Hueningkai wanted? _Yes_ , it is.

But why does it hurts so much?

"I fucked up," Yeonjun says as he frustratedly combs his hair into a bun. He clicks his tongue, once, twice, and it annoys the heck out of him. He is restless and angry, but at the same time, he feels hopeless and beaten. 

Soobin watches him puzzlingly but soon understands the case. "What did you do this time, hyung?" The younger takes a bite of rice and fully-ripen kimchi into his mouth. He waits for the elder to recompose because an angry Choi Yeonjun is not pretty at all. 

"I think Hueningkai is scared of me," Yeonjun confesses, and Soobin giggles. If Soobin is not his best friend, he will wipe that smirk away from his face instantly.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I knew it, hyung," Soobin replies and puts his chopsticks down, turning his focus on a distraught Yeonjun. "From my observation, he is scared of everyone, but with you, it is a _different kind_ of scared."

Yeonjun does not have the leisure to guess, but the other is making him _think_. And he hates when he does not know what he did wrong. He feels scandalized, and it is not a great feeling.

Soobin takes another mouthful of rice along with seasoned fried chicken before continuing. "He is fond of you, but he is terrified of that feeling." 

Yeonjun has never felt this confused in his 22 years of living. "What is that suppose to mean?"

The younger wipes the end of his mouth with a tissue, the spicy and sweet gochujang paste lingers on his tastebud. "He wants to open up to you, but _maybe_ , due to what happened to him, he is afraid if your intention is ill."

Yeonjun stops breathing. He has never thought of that before.

"You came out of nowhere, like a superhero, and saved him. You did not clarify your actions, so of course, he is confused. He is allowed to be confused, hyung. I will too if I were Hueningie,"

Everything is making sense now. 

No wonder Hueningkai flinches a lot when they touched, or even when Yeonjun is near. Hueningkai must have gone through so much pain in his life, and it is normal for him to be defensive. How stupid of Yeonjun to not understand that?

Yeonjun shakes Soobin's body as soon as the realization hits him. "What should I do now, Soobin-ah? He must think I am a freak or something!"

Soobin pushes the elder away from him before things get messy. No one messes with his food, not even Choi Yeonjun. "Hyung, calm down." Soobin creaks out and retrieves his chopsticks again.

"I know Hueningkai reminds you of him, but you need to know, Hueningkai is different. He is not someone you have known for ages. Of course, he will have doubts. It is normal," Soobin rationalizes, and Yeonjun hates how the younger is so smart with his words. 

The younger's gaze softens, and his free hand reaches out to pat Yeonjun on the back. "Give him time, hyung. Do not pressure him to accept you. He still needs to get used to this. From what I see, he is willing, but he is just scared."

Soobin smiles supportively, and Yeonjun finds it sedative. "All you need is patience, and all Huening requires is time. That is it, hyung."

The younger elbows him playfully, and Yeonjun cracks a small and understanding smile. "Okay,"

Satisfied, Soobin nods and resumes munching on his lunch while Yeonjun is still deep in thought.

_Time_.

Yeonjun hopes that time will solve everything the way it did in the past.

He rests his head on Taehyun's shoulder while the other's focus is on the variety show playing at the moment. 

Taehyun has finally visited him. After weeks of separation, being in Taehyun's embrace is the remedy his body and mind craves. His best friend makes him feel everything that happened hurts less, and Hueningkai is forever grateful for that.

"Are you asleep?" Taehyun asks. Hueningkai does not realize the tv is off, and they are in complete darkness.

"No," He replies briefly. 

The night air blows coolly into the small apartment. Hueningkai pulls the blanket closer to their bodies until it covers them both. He snuggles closer to Taehyun and rubs the other's belly; a habit that never dies down. 

"Huening," His best friend calls hesitantly. Hueningkai looks up, but Taehyun's eyes are still on the tv screen.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," Taehyun whispers, out of nowhere, direct and real, but always welcomed.

"I know," He manages to reply. Words are stuck in his throat, and it gets harder to see in the dark when tears are blurring his vision.

Taehyun engulfs him in his arms, and even though Hueningkai is bigger than the other, but at this moment, he feels small. He feels like a child again: finding warmth and protection in Taehyun's arms. He encircles his arms around Taehyun and cries silently.

"Even if the world turns its back on you, I will not. Do you trust me, Hyuka?"

"I do." Hueningkai does. 

Taehyun had stood up countless times for him before, and he believes Taehyun is the only one he can trust aside his family. But a part of him, a portion of his heart wants to give away the trust to Yeonjun. Hueningkai is not brave enough to take the risk.

"Hyuka-ya," Taehyun's voice chimes like the bell. It reminds Hueningkai of the cafe they always visit. It reminds him of hot chocolate and muffins, the chatter of working adults and students, the smell of freshly-brewed coffee and newly-baked desserts. 

"I hope you are not pushing yourself too hard. You do not have to accept Yeonjun in your heart if you are not yet ready. It is okay to take things slow,"

Taehyun is always understanding. He knows the right words that fit the right situation. After pouring his heart out to Taehyun about the pink-haired figure, he feels relieved. 

Hueningkai tries to find honesty in those orbs amid the darkness. "You think so?"

"I know so," Taehyun answers with confidence, finally looking at him, and everything feels as if it will fall into place soon.

He exhales a breath he did not know he was holding and smiles. "Thank you, Taehyun. Thank you for being here," _Thank you for understanding me_.

"No problem, soulmate," Taehyun replies, his cheeky grin comes to light, and the night is not as dark as it was previously. "I belong here, literally! What are you trying to imply?" He responded cheekily. Without warning, Taehyun starts attacking Hueningkai's waist, and both of them fall into an endless pit of laughter.

Hueningkai laughs out loud, his dolphin-like shrieks might wake up his neighbours, but he does not want to think about them. He will only think about himself and Taehyun being warm beside him; nothing else seems to matter. 

Tears have forgotten, the heavy feeling is subsiding, and everything feels _right_ again.

Just for tonight, Hueningkai will forget the way Yeonjun makes him feel.

Just for tonight, Hueningkai will remain aloof and ignores just how much he wants to be in Yeonjun's arms. 

Just for tonight, Hueningkai will act that everything is okay.

_Only tonight_.


	4. i'm coloured with your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the warmth, the prickle, the ache, and the sting he felt whenever they touched heightens even more as hueningkai rests his forehead on yeonjun's shoulder.
> 
> this moment feels _so_ right, _so_ perfect that yeonjun wants to stay in this position forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this is going to be a long note]
> 
> i messed up my presentation today. it was a pre-recorded video and we were supposed to present in class. it was going well, but I have messed up by answering my dr's question wrongly. I'm afraid if it will affect my group's grade/mark. i am angry at myself. i tried sleeping the sadness away, but it did not work. so, I decided to write a new chapter for this story. it amazes me how I felt a bit better after writing this chapter. 
> 
> an update: I have not started on my assignment (please, just punch me on the face already) i don't even know where to start. i felt numb. aish. or am I just procrastinating?
> 
> anyway, this chapter may not make sense because I was writing this to comfort myself. i am sorry everyone. this author is really in a mess right now :( and it is longer than the previous chapter! please bear with me. i think I'm writing nonsense.
> 
> I hope this chapter makes you happy, or at least smile. i will try my best to write better. forgive me. i am not making sense in either of this chapter or the notes. i am so sorry :'(
> 
> thank you for reading this mess. i am surprised that people are actually reading this story.
> 
> sorry for every error contained in this story.
> 
> best regards.
> 
> [ps: I was listening to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Qo1N2WwP88) when I wrote this chapter. also, you guys can listen to Mozart's _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy2zDJPIgwc).

For Yeonjun, it is hard to sleep at night these days. 

Yeonjun cannot fall asleep no matter how many times he tosses and turns on the bed. He tries to shrug the vibrant images from awakening his senses, but he will always remember a pair of clear eyes, smooth skin, and thin-pink lips. He recalls the sweetness of the voice, the twinkle in his orbs, and the coldness of frozen fingertips lacing with his emblazing ones. Those clamorous thoughts are keeping him awake at night. Yeonjun searches for a reason, but will always end up with nothing.

He remembers Hueningkai; 24 hours a day, seven days a week, in his dreams and wake. Hueningkai is driving him crazy. He does not expect the younger's presence in his life to cause such chaos in his heart and mind. He wonders why he feels tingle on his spine, the delicious ache in his heart, and goosebumps on his skin when his eyes met Hueningkai's.

Yeonjun is a goner, but he is not sure;  _what is this feeling?_

He places his palm over his chest and feels them beating rapidly.

_Is this love?_

Yeonjun does not know either.

_" Yeonjun-hyung, stop being such a brat! No one will like you if you behave this childish!"_

_The other is laughing at him, and all Yeonjun can do is wrestles him to the couch and plays with a mop of hair. He pinches the sides of the younger's waist that elicits a screech and contagious laughter. His heart feels light in a heartbeat._

_"Yeonjun-hyung, stop! Mom and dad are asleep!"_

_"Who are you calling me a brat? You are the brat here!"_

_"Yeonjun-hyung! Stop!"_

_"Take that back, and I will stop,"_

_The other grows silent, and Yeonjun stops. He scans the other from head to toe, afraid if he did something to hurt the younger. As much as he loves teasing him, Yeonjun will never harm his precious little sunshine._

_He receives a light punch on his chest, and the other escapes his grip in a flash._

_"You cannot catch me, hyung!"_

_"Yah!"_

Tears are trying to invade his eyes again, but Yeonjun wipes them away along with the uneasiness growing in his chest. It has been such a long time; he needs to let go. But letting go means forgetting, and Yeonjun does not want to forget. 

The more he tries to shake those beady eyes and a cheeky smile away, the more his heart yearns to engulf the other in a tight hug. He misses the familiar warmth, the smell of apples from his hair, and the sunshine in his laugh. Yeonjun misses the latter so much, and it hurts. It hurts because moving on seems impossible, but he does not want to be here forever; unmoving and unwilling to set him free.

For a while, he thinks of the latter, and his mind drifts to Hueningkai. 

Instantly, Yeonjun falls again, deep enough to drown himself in a sea of uncertainties and hard enough to leave a bruising hole on his chest.

"Hyung, I love you, but can you please stop staring into the void and talk to me?" 

Yeonjun blinks furiously. Slowly, he is coming back to reality and sees Soobin pouting in front of him. Yeonjun was alone when he went to the cafeteria. He did not expect to see Soobin sitting beside him with a tray of food and a sour expression on his face.

"Huh?" He snaps out of a trance, "Oh, Soobin-ah. When did you get here?" he asks, looking around and fixes his shoulder-long hair. He tucks the pink strands behind his ears from covering his eyes and crosses his arms with a light  _hmph_ . 

Unamused with Yeonjun's state of detachment, Soobin's pout intensifies. "Hyung, I have been here for 10 minutes," The other announces, but soon creates a distance between them as he realizes the reality of this situation. "Aish, why do I even bother talking to you? I should be talking to the wall. My feelings will not hurt as much," Soobin says, words are coming fast from his lips like a bullet train. Yes, Soobin is good at rapping, but Yeonjun does not want to hear them now when his mind is in a mess.

"Yah, Soobin-ah, I am sorry, okay?" Yeonjun gives in and pulls his chair closer to the younger. He rubs the younger's shoulder and gives the cutest expression. "Soobinnie, I am sorry, okay? Talk to me now. I will listen," He whines, pushing and pulling the younger until he almost falls to the ground. Luckily, Yeonjun is quick to grab onto Soobin's hands. 

"Aish, hyung! Stop it! You are so annoying!" Soobin snaps. He fixes his position, grabs his chopsticks and starts eating. "I am not going to talk to you anymore. You should go and talk to your crush,"

_Crush?_

"Soobin-ah!"

"Shush! Do not talk to me!"

Yeonjun is speechless. He does not know what he did to upset the younger. He breathes in and gazes at Soobin, but the latter ignores him and chews on his food too fast. When the other almost chokes on his food, Yeonjun quickly hands a cup of water and pat Soobin's back. All awhile, his eyes travel to the other students eating away around him, and it lands on someone with an auburn-hair and clear, brown eyes. 

He stops patting Soobin's back and stares in awe. He cannot help it, because even if he tries to cast his vision away, it will always land on Hueningkai.  _What is wrong with me?_

"Hyung, you are drooling," Soobin says out of the blue, and Yeonjun looks at him with wide eyes. 

"What? Are you serious?" He asks and absent-mindedly wipes the corner of his lips.

He hears a loud smack, and it comes from Soobin. "Aigoo, hyung, you are so in love that it is funny and sad at the same time. I feel sorry for you, hyung." The other is laughing at him as he covers his face with his hands. Yeonjun hears them anyway, but they are in public, and he cannot do anything to teach the younger a lesson for teasing him. He bites back the growing annoyance by wiping his face, defeated and tired with Soobin's nonsensicalness.

While he tries to figure out ways to harass Soobin for teasing him, he catches Hueningkai looking at their direction intently. His heart betrays him as a sudden warmth comes knocking his body down. Every other thought aside from Hueningkai disappears like fleeting bubbles on the dangerous sea.

"I am going over to Hueningie, and you will stay here," Soobin suddenly claims and stands up. He walks away and grabs a seat next to the puzzled Hueningkai. Yeonjun is too late to stop him because Soobin is already sitting next to the younger with that mischievous dimpled smile and beaming eyes. 

Yeonjun feels tempted; he wants to be in Soobin's place, but he is learning self-restraint, and he promised himself to give more time to Hueningkai. But how long is time anyway? A day? A week? _Forever_? How long will they be apart? Because Yeonjun is slowly but surely going out of his mind, and being so close yet so far from Hueningkai makes him feel sick to the stomach.

Soobin sees him and sticks out his tongue. Soobin wins, and he lost. 

Yeonjun is about to stand up and pulls Soobin's ears, but abruptly stops when Hueningkai starts to laugh.  _Oh, God_ . He has never heard such innocent joy from someone's laughter before, and it amazes him. Hueningkai's laugh is loud, but warm and fuzzy and everything in between. 

It sounded beautiful, and Yeonjun sits back on the chair, star-struck. He tries to swallow the storm in his heart and massages the dizziness with lithe and shaking fingers, but the discomfort does not go away. 

He rests his head against the table and closes his eyes. Yeonjun starts to laugh.

_Oh, God_ .

The sun almost sets on the horizon when his last class finally comes to an end. 

Yeonjun packs his bag and bids his goodbyes to Mr Son and his classmates. He exits the lecture hall and glances at his handphone; 5.43 pm. It is almost dinner time, and Yeonjun plans to eat tteokbokki for dinner alone since Soobin is still ignoring him. He will bombard the other's Kakaotalk with messages tonight and treats him to lunch tomorrow. Soobin is weak when it comes to food, and Yeonjun, being a food enthusiast, enjoys eating with someone that appreciates the art of food as much he does. With food, he can win Soobin's heart back. His best friend will never turn down a good offering of food.

While walking along the quiet hall and passing through the tutorial rooms, his ears caught a familiar tune of Mozart's  _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ somewhere around the corner _.  _ Yeonjun hears them a lot while growing up, and by being a music major and his friend comes from different majors, he has heard of this piece more than he can count. 

But the difference he can catch from this player's style is every press of the white and black keys is honest and only meant to entertain. It runs smoothly, from one console to another, and Yeonjun feels himself floating to the air. He does not realize when his feet moved him, but now he is in front of the room and stops when he recognizes the player.

It is Hueningkai. 

His fingers are itchy as it hesitantly reaches for the doorknob. He holds the bronze-coloured knob, almost tugs at it, and in a swift, he can barge into the room and engulfs Hueningkai in a hug. He wants to embrace the younger the way he did before, snuggle close to his neck and inhale that comforting scent of vanilla. He wants to-

He is not going to do that. 

Not when he made a vow to give the younger all the time and space he needs no matter how long it will take. The downfall of his promises is Yeonjun finds it hard to abide when he is not patient at all. It takes all the power this universe holds to stop Yeonjun from entering the room. 

As if the galaxies are signalling him to go for it, he gathers an ample strength and enters the room with a deep breath and a thrumming heart.

Hueningkai jumps in surprise as the door opens with a bang. He turns around to see Yeonjun sheepishly smiles at him. His cheeks are red, almost similar to his glorious hair, but those fox eyes are resolute and unwavering as always. 

"Hey there, Huening," Yeonjun greets. He closes the door awkwardly and takes three steps closer to the younger. Hueningkai is still in a state of shock as his fingers pause on the piano, and his mouth hangs open. 

Yeonjun quickly closes the distance, wanting to comfort the latter but soon remembers his words, and retrieves two steps back. "Sorry for barging into the room," he apologizes. He holds both hands together in a tight clasp, feeling a fizzy sensation in his throat as Hueningkai looks at him with a small smile this time.

"It is okay, hyung. I am almost finished with practice anyway," 

"Oh," something perks Yeonjun's interest. Those piano sheets on the table and multiple picks on the floor; Hueningkai can play the guitar too?

Gazing up to Hueningkai again, the younger waits for him to continue and Yeonjun almost coos at the adorable sight. But, as always, he restrains every ignoble thought there is. That is so not Yeonjun. Soobin will roll on the floor, laughing at him if he is here.

"What are you practising for anyway?"

"Oh! Tomorrow, my professor wants to test us with Mozart's pieces. So, I was practising a piece that is familiar to me,"

" _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ is the piece you were playing, right? _ " _

Hueningkai looks pleasantly taken aback, and a grin is forming on his lips. Yeonjun prays so hard for his true feelings to stay hidden. He does not want to scare the younger away. 

"How did you know, hyung?"

"I have listened to it so many times," Yeonjun stops, feeling out of breath as everything seems a bit too much to take in. Hueningkai looks ethereal; the purple-reddish horizon makes his skin glow and stars are dancing in those clear eyes. Yeonjun falls into a daydream, but wakes up as soon he remembers his halted-thoughts, "but, I never get tired of it."

Yeonjun smiles when the younger giggles in embarrassment.  _ Oh _ , how Yeonjun's heart stops beating at the melodious chuckle. 

"How did I do, hyung?" Hueningkai asks. He looks up to meet Yeonjun's eyes but quickly avert his gaze to the opened windows in front of them. Yeonjun catches the red blossoming on Hueningkai's ears, and his heart did a happy dance to commemorate his victory. 

It is funny how this universe works; at one point in life, you can be so happy that everything seems to be in place, but at another point, you can cry until no tears left in your body. Yeonjun thinks it is amusing how the smile on Hueningkai's angelic face makes him think happiness is forever, and sadness is temporary. How foolish of he to think the universe works that easily. 

He breathes out the suffocating feeling from his lungs and replies, "You were amazing," 

"Hyung... I am not," Hueningkai replies with another giggle. 

The galaxy bows down to the younger's beauty, the sun shines vibrantly on his figure, creating a glow that is so magnificent, so wonderful that Yeonjun is certain that nothing in this world is more beautiful than Hueningkai Kamal.

"Huening-ah," Yeonjun calls, stopping all thoughts from going haywire and gathers a bit of rationality left in him to ask, "do you want to eat tteokbokki with me?" 

Hueningkai looks doubtful, but Yeonjun has unwavering faith in tteokbokki. No one can resist an offer of tteokbokki. 

The younger looks from left to right, weighing all the possibilities of answering yes or no, and comes to a conclusion. "Okay,"

Yeonjun feels his heart pounds in  _one, two, three_ , and stop. It continues to beat and constructs a majestic symphony inside of him. 

Hueningkai is not good at handling spicy foods, but he sure loves ginmari. Yeonjun orders more ginmari than usual and is happy to see the younger munching them down in gusto. The younger's tastebuds are delicate, similar to his fingers, and Yeonjun wonders if that is the secret behind his abilities to play multiple instruments well. 

Whenever Yeonjun tells him a story of Soobin, Hueningkai laughs at all of them. His laughter is booming, and Yeonjun enjoys them too much that he becomes addicted. Aside from two servings of tteokbokki and three plates of ginmari plus other twigim, Yeonjun is full just by looking at the younger. Something snaps inside of him, but Yeonjun decides to ignore the annoying voices in his head for now. 

They exit the small tteokbokki shop after having a battle of  _who is paying_ in which Yeonjun won victoriously. Hueningkai pouts, and Yeonjun does not know what to do. His brain shortcircuits the moment those thin lips are pouting adorably. Yeonjun needs help.  _He is pouting, what should I do now?_ An emergency sign blares with intense red in his mind. 

"Hyung, you should have let me pay,"

"Huh? Why?" Yeonjun halts, finding this situation as both entertaining and cute. "I invited you, so I have to pay for the meals,"

"But-"

"Huening-ah, next time, you can pay for our meals," Yeonjun suggests, and this time, he fails to witness the red on Hueningkai's cheeks.  _It is just the cold wind_ , he assures himself. Hueningkai is feeling cold, nothing unusual about that. 

Hueningkai sways from right to left, and his eyes are hectic as it travels to every direction but not on Yeonjun. "N-next time?" 

Yeonjun smiles. "Yeah, next time, if you want to," 

The cops should arrest Hueningkai for being so illegally adorable. Yeonjun needs to make a petition for that, and Soobin will be the first to sign. 

"Okay," The latter replies meekly, and Yeonjun has this strange urge to pinch himself to affirm he is not dreaming. 

They are walking side by side; the itch intensifies as their fingers are brushing with each other. Yeonjun wants to intertwine their fingers together, but he now knows his limits. He sets a boundary, and every time he tries to cross them, he will remember how much discomfort it causes Hueningkai. He does not want the younger to stray away. Therefore, he needs to sacrifice his ego for the sake of their friendship. 

Yeonjun bites his lips and steps away from Hueningkai by an inch. Whenever he glances at their ununited hands, he feels sad, but it is for the best. He treasures Hueningkai more than his desires, and Yeonjun will not let them overpower him again.

"Yeonjun-hyung, you should return to the dorms now. It is already late," Hueningkai says, breaking the comfortable silence between them. 

Yeonjun is glad that Hueningkai's apartment complex is not far from the campus and apparently, his shared dorm with Soobin. It is easier for him to visit the younger someday if he has the chance. 

"Are you okay on your own?" Yeonjun voices out his concern. Even though Suk Chin and Chul avoid Hueningkai on campus, he is still afraid if they come and attack Hueningkai when he is not around. 

"Of course. I am used to it. You do not have to worry, hyung," Hueningkai replies with a small smile, but sadness is lacing every syllable, and Yeonjun's heart immediately shatters. 

"Okay," Yeonjun stops for a brief, "o-okay." He exhales.

Hueningkai nods, "Thanks again for today, hyung. I will treat you back someday," he says and waves goodbye, and starts walking away from Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun wants more than just a smile, and he wants more than just goodbye; he feels intoxicated as the winter breeze gushes to the scene. Tree branches are rustling with each other, and the melting snow reminds Yeonjun of the raindrops wetting his shoes during early-spring. 

Before it is too late, Yeonjun decides to risk everything. He decides to take a step closer and to break a small portion of the wall he built. Yeonjun has tasted the forbidden fruit that is Hueningkai, and he is obsessed by the sweetness. He falls deep into temptation, but does he regret this?

"Huening," He calls, both afraid and ecstatic at the same time.

The younger turns around and stops moving. "Hm?" 

"Can I hug you?" He asks, dropping the bomb.

Hueningkai looks bewildered and scared. Yeonjun is ready to take everything back and rant to Soobin how stupid he is sometimes (read:  _most of the time_ .)

Something is holding him back, and it is the same glint he saw in Hueningkai's eyes the day he saved him. It is too mesmerizing to let it go unnoticed.

Yeonjun does not expect a nod.

And he does not expect a shy smile either.

The world stops revolving the moment he lunges forward and feels Hueningkai perfectly fits in his arms. The moon stops orbiting the earth because now, this moment, Hueningkai is the moon, and Yeonjun is the sun instead. None of them is revolving; they are just merely existing. 

The warmth, the prickle, the ache, and the sting he felt whenever they touched heightens even more as Hueningkai rests his forehead on Yeonjun's shoulder.

This moment feels  _so_ right,  _so_ perfect that Yeonjun wants to stay in this position forever. 

He breaks the tender hug, but none of them budges. Yeonjun ardently pats the crown of Hueningkai's head and whispers, "Good night," 

His world dissolves into a mess of unsettling emotions, as Hueningkai breathes, "Good night, hyung."

Does Yeonjun regret his decision? Of course not. 


	5. you say spring will come again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> promises are frightening; it cages you in a box of hope. but promises are meant to be broken, and hope is another form of hallucination one can never amend.
> 
> yeonjun hugs him, tight enough to breathe in the spring air into his chest, but suffocating enough to make him wish for better days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning** : violence, and mentions of suicide act. do not proceed if you're uneasy with this.
> 
> i apologize in advance. this chapter might be angstier than previous.
> 
> woah, I experienced a turmoil of emotion while writing this chapter. i tried to incorporate emotions that most of us can relate to, and I hope I did them justice. i am sorry for hurting almost everyone in this chapter :(
> 
> I still can't believe that people are reading this story and commenting. I'm overwhelmed :') what do you guys think of this story thus far? is it okay? or is it too much? do let me know so I can improve in the future.
> 
> the main goal of this story is to spark awareness about mental health, as well as basic human needs; hugs, kisses, compliments, love, encouragement. i believe, if all of us take the time and adequately showcase our love to the ones we care about, the world will become a better place for us to live. i believe that everyone deserves to be treated equally.
> 
> an update: I have finished writing my essay a few days ago. whew :p I just have to recheck before submitting. thank you for the warm wishes in the comment section :')
> 
> I hope that this chapter will answer some of your questions, as well arising another question xD do you guys think yeonkai will have their forever? stay tuned!
> 
> thank you for reading this messy story. take care. best regards. x
> 
> [ps: do you guys watch [a tale of thousand stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_I6NrSZDdsM)? it's only the first episode, but I'm already in love T_T i was listening to the [ost](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdPOw8h82nY) while writing this chapter! hope that it can set up the mood for all of you :-)]

Hueningkai crosses both his arms on his chest, imitating a butterfly hug and hopes it will calm him down. 

He tried his best for the test, but Hueningkai is not sure how it will end up. He did mess up here and there, but Hueningkai believes he tried his best and now he only has to wait for the result. Hueningkai does not expect to get high marks, but deep down in his heart, he knows himself better than anyone. 

When he was younger, he would always beat himself up for not getting the highest marks or being in the top three. It did take a toll on his mental health as the pressure to do well rises every time. The higher the expectation you put on yourself, the harder you will fall, and the pain doubles. Therefore, Hueningkai stops expecting beyond his ability and capability, and it did help his mind and heart relax. But it is a given; all humans strive towards perfection. Although we do not know what perfect is, a part of ourselves is yearning to have a taste of that so-called _perfection once_ in a lifetime _. _

His eyes are travelling all over the spacious lecture hall, and it lands on Suk Chin. The other is already looking at him with eyes meant to kill. Hueningkai gulps the bile in his throat with much difficulty, sensing the tears are stinging his eyes once more. Even though Suk Chin and Chul are not bullying him these days, Hueningkai knows they are waiting for the right time to take revenge. 

Nowadays, it is hard for them to approach Hueningkai as Yeonjun and Soobin will accompany him during lunch or even breaks. Soobin told him that Taehyun asked them a favour to look after Hueningkai (Taehyun even gave his number to Yeonjun without telling him) and the elder texts him at every hour, asking for his whereabouts. Hueningkai should feel constricted, but he did not. Somehow, he feels loved, and he now has an additional of two good friends that accept him as he is. He should thank Taehyun later for being such a kind and caring best friend. Maybe he should treat Taehyun to his favourite pizzeria this weekend.

"Well, everyone, give a round of applause to yourself! You did well!" Dr Kim announces, and everyone starts clapping. Hueningkai claps along with them, but he feels a pair of eyes looking straight into his soul. He does not have to guess; he already knows the answer.

Dr Kim signals them to stop clapping as he resumes, "Okay everyone. I will announce only the highest marks since I know, you kids will scold me if I continue until the lowest,"

All students are whining and moaning in disagreement. Some of them are rocking back and forth, some close their eyes and clasp their hands together, praying that they are not the lowest, while Hueningkai stares into the void as the familiar prickle is bitting his skin like frostbites. 

"Congratulations to... Hueningkai Kamal! You scored a total of 95% for this week's evaluation!"

Suddenly, everything seems to fade away; the anxiety, the fear, the worry is dispersing from his heart along with the early-spring breeze.

Did he hear it correctly? 

Someone nudges his shoulder, and Hueningkai wakes up in confetti of loud clappings, cheery smiles, endless congratulations, and death glare from Suk Chin. 

"Hey, you did it!" A girl at his side announces, and Hueningkai feels his heart grows as oxygen fills his lungs to the fullest. He smiles; a genuine smile, a victorious smile, and a proud smile.  _He did it_ .

He finds the strength to stand up and bows to Dr Kim. "Thank you, dr!"

"Congratulations Kai Kamal! Keep up the good work!"

He bows again, and tears are falling from his eyes amid the happiness blossoming in his soul. He did it. He cannot believe that he did it.

"Okay, class. Everyone has worked hard today. Now, go home and treat yourself! Class dismiss! Have a good day everyone," 

"Thank you, Dr Kim!"

Everyone excitedly exits the lecture hall, and Hueningkai is all alone, still standing in the middle of the room in disbelief. All the hard work, all the restless nights spent practising feels worth it. Hueningkai needs to thank Taehyun for accompanying him every night, for being the strictest judge of his playing, and the one that vows to punish him if he continues to procrastinate. 

He needs to thank Yeonjun too.

Every day, he receives a bottle of grape juice in his locker. It gives him the energy to practice until late hours and motivates him to do better. Soobin broke the news to him, proclaiming that it was from Yeonjun all along. His heart did skip a beat, sometimes doubled, sometimes tripled, as he caught the elder in front of his locker that one morning. There is a note attached to the bottle;  _fighting, huening-ah_ written in a messy scribble. He keeps all the writings and reads them every day as a mood booster. He is thankful for the elder, Taehyun and Soobin's endless encouragement.

Hueningkai gathers all his belongings and stashes them in his bag. He wants to treat Yeonjun to dinner; a promise he made with the elder a while ago. He feels giddy, nervous and excited again for the possibilities that might happen. Even though he meets Yeonjun almost every day, he wants to spend more time with the elder if possible. The thought scares him, often awakens him at night, but he remembers Taehyun's words, and maybe he is ready to accept Yeonjun into his heart after all.

As he walks to the door, suddenly, his back hits the wall with a loud thud. His eyes are blowing wide, taken aback by the sudden intrusion. His legs deceive himself when he sees Suk Chin in front of him. 

"Ya, do you think you have won?" Suk Chin hisses. He grabs the collar of Hueningkai's jumper and presses his body harder to the wall. Hueningkai inaudibly let out a screech as Suk Chin punches him on the face.

"Do you think you are so great because you did well in your test? Dream on!" 

Hueningkai can taste his blood, along with a new batch of tears flowing from his eyes. He feels hopeless again, and so weak. Maybe he should die right here, right now if it makes Suk Chin happy. 

"If you think by befriending Yeonjun, you can escape me, you are wrong," Suk Chin points his index finger close to Hueningkai's bruising face threateningly. The fire in those eyes emblazes Hueningkai into pits of hell. The tiredness resurfaces in every inch of his skin, and he wants to give up life now. 

"Yah! Suk Chin!"

Everything happens at a speed of light. 

He sees Yeonjun punching the life out of Suk Chin, just like that day, and Hueningkai can only watch with dead eyes and numbing pain. When the latter finishes, Suk Chin is bleeding, he runs away, and Hueningkai remembers that moment as if it was just yesterday; his heart starts contracting, no air is circling his lungs, and he feels nothing.  _Empty_ .

Yeonjun lunges forward, almost tripping, and those fingers are too busy inspecting Hueningkai's face. His lips are cut open, a new bruise is forming on his cheeks, and there is no life in Hueningkai's eyes. The surge of anger tries to overwhelm him, but when he feels the younger trembles in his hold, Yeonjun hugs him tighter, closer, and leaves no air to pass through their merged bodies.

"Oh, God," Yeonjun whispers as his eyes well up in tears. "Huening-ah,"

The door opens abruptly, and Soobin enters the hall while in tears. 

Everything is falling again, and Hueningkai does not want anyone to catch him.

"Soobin-hyung, how is Hyuka doing? Is he okay now?" Taehyun frantically asks after Soobin picked up his call. 

Soobin sounds distraught as he exhales a deep breath, and Taehyun knows it is worst than he imagined. 

"He is with Yeonjun-hyung now. He wants to get some fresh air," Soobin replies half-heartedly.

He was shocked when he saw Suk Chin stormed out from the room in blood. When he entered the hall, Yeonjun was already hugging the shaken Hueningkai, and Soobin's heart shattered instantly. They failed to protect Hueningkai from Suk Chin, and it was his fault. If only he did not stop by the cafeteria with Yeonjun, if only they arrived earlier to the scene, things will not go as awful, and Hueningkai would not be traumatized again. 

"Taehyun-ah, I am sorry," Soobin apologizes. His vision blurs as tears fill his eyes, the guilt is eating the insides of his body slowly, and Soobin wants to hide and cry his eyes out. 

"Hyung..." He hears Taehyun calling him sweetly. The younger's voice quivers. It takes all the willpower in Soobin to wipe those tears away, and he wants to wipe the tears from cascading on Taehyun's face as well. 

"You are not at fault. Please, do not blame yourself, okay?"

"If only I did not ask Yeonjun-hyung to accompany me, this will not happen Taehyun-ah!" 

Soobin falls to the floor, his chest feels tight, and his head pounds. It hurts so much to see Hueningkai's lifeless body against Yeonjun's, and it pains him even more to see the emptiness in those once-twinkling orbs. 

He looks up and sees a picturesque view of sprouting leaves on tree branches, a vast of a blue and cloudless sky, and he hears Taehyun whispers from the other side, "It is not your fault, hyung. Stop beating yourself up. Hyuka does not like it if he knew what you are doing now,"

His heart flutters in all possible ways there is. Although he never meets Taehyun in real life yet, he can imagine those big doe eyes looking into his with a sparkle that mimics the spring sun. It mesmerizes him, just the thought of seeing Taehyun with his eyes someday.

"I know Hyuka. He is tougher than we think. He will recover soon. Please, ask Yeonjun-hyung to accompany him today, okay, Soobin-hyung? He needs someone to lean on," 

Taehyun sounded a bit breathless, but Soobin finds himself panting for air. Something is tingling in his heart, a feeling that is profound and foreign. Soobin is not ready to process them in his mixed-up mind yet. 

"Hello? Soobinnie-hyung?"

"Huh?" Soobin answers, the contradicting ache in his chest subsides as a small giggle resounds through the speaker.

"I am tired to repeat them," Taehyun announces, remnants of laughter are lingering still in the air. "I hope that Yeonjun-hyung will watch over Hueningkai for the day?"

"Ah," Soobin breathes out, the tip of his ears reddens as Taehyun laughs again. "Okay, roger that, Taehyun-ah,"

"Okay, Soobin-hyung," the other pauses for a brief, "I have a class in 10 minutes. I better get going now. Take care, hyung. Do update me whenever you are free,"

Soobin nods but realizes Taehyun cannot see him. He smacks himself on the head, "Got it. Take care, Taehyun-ah,"

He is about to end the call, but Taehyun's loud "Hyung!" resounds, stopping Soobin in his track.

After a moment of silence, Taehyung whispers, "It is not your fault, hyung. Rather, I am thankful that you and Yeonjun-hyung were there for Hyuka. I am glad. Thank you again, hyung,"

The wind blows subtly, and his blue hair flies along with the birds chirping melodiously. Air is filling his lungs once again.

"Okay," Soobin answers, faint enough that he almost did not hear his voice. 

Their call ended, but Soobin's heart is only starting to thrum violently.

Yeonjun holds Hueningkai by his waist as they enter the small cafe near the campus.

He guides Hueningkai to a table close to the window and pushes the younger down gently to sit on the sofa. Yeonjun runs his fingers through Hueningkai's hair, being extra careful of the younger's bruises, and smiles softly. "Huening, can you wait here for a moment? I will grab your favourite drink, okay?"

Hueningkai looks at him, with a pair of sad eyes, but they are still glimmering, still so sinfully beautiful, and Yeonjun has a hard time breathing. The younger nods lethargically, and it is more than enough for Yeonjun to sprint to the counter.

"Beomgyu-ya, can I have a cup of hot chocolate, venti, with whipped cream and a dozen of caramel-glazed doughnuts?" 

Beomgyu, the said cashier looks at Yeonjun with worry, "Hyung, is Hueningie okay?" 

Yeonjun shakes his head, "I was too late. I cannot believe that fucker still bullies Huening after what I did to him. He still has not learned his lesson,"

Beomgyu looks sullen as he glances at Hueningkai. "I am so sorry, hyung,"

"Hey, it is okay," Yeonjun dismisses, "I should apologize to you. The four of us cannot go out today because of my negligence," 

Beomgyu retrieves the hot chocolate from the barista and places on the counter. He pats Yeonjun on the shoulder supportively. "It is okay, hyung. You can always introduce me to Hueningkai some other time."

A box of doughnuts is on the counter, along with Hueningkai's favourite hot chocolate. Yeonjun is about to take out his handphone, but Beomgyu stops him immediately, "It is okay, hyung. My treat. Give this to Huening, and make sure he eats well, okay, hyung?" 

Beomgyu is Yeonjun's childhood friend along with Soobin. Even though they are not in the same university, Beomgyu still knows everything about the other two. And when Soobin talked about Hueningkai and Yeonjun's fat crush on him, Beomgyu is the most excited of them all, jumping everywhere as his brother has finally found a reason to love again. They were supposed to go out today, and Yeonjun intended to introduce Hueningkai formally to Beomgyu, but things happened. Luckily, Beomgyu understood.

"Thanks, Gyu-ya," Yeonjun says, and Beomgyu ushers the elder to go quickly.

Beomgyu smiles as he sees the elder crouching in front of Hueningkai. The love in those eyes are so bright, and Beomgyu thank all the gods above for breathing in love into Yeonjun's heart anew. 

When Yeonjun exits the cafe with Hueningkai by his side, he glances at Beomgyu and waves. Beomgyu reciprocates, waving as energetically he can and mouths  _fighting_ to the elder. 

Beomgyu hopes that one day both Yeonjun and Hueningkai can find happiness together even in the worst condition.

Watching the sun setting at the horizon with Yeonjun by his side, the breeze kissing his bruised skin, and the sky meshing into blue and pink; Hueningkai thoroughly enjoys this moment. 

The elder continues to chew on the doughnut while Hueningkai stares at him. Hueningkai allows himself to absorb the elder's handsome features he purposely tries to forget and finds himself struggling to breathe. He finally  _ sees _ those fox eyes, plump lips, and silky-pink hair in all its glory. 

Yeonjun is beautiful, ethereal, like spring, and Hueningkai falls.

"Yeonjun-hyung," Hueningkai calls, and the elder stops munching on the doughnut to look at him. Caramel is dripping from his fingers and the corner of his lips; Hueningkai has the overwhelming urge to wipe them away, but he did not.

"Hm?" 

"How long is forever?" He asks out of the blue.

Yeonjun puts down the unfinished doughnut, wipes his fingers (and mouth) with the tissue and takes a seat next to Hueningkai. Their knees are meeting, their shoulders are brushing, and Hueningkai feels somewhat  _alive_ . Electricity runs through his veins as Yeonjun's body heat collides with his cold skin.

"Time is just an illusion," Yeonjun answers calmly. He looks at Hueningkai and runs his fingers through a mop of hair again. "We can define it ourselves. Forever is uncertain, but it depends on everyone." 

Hueningkai looks at his fingers, thinking why it is not lacing with Yeonjun's yet. "So, how long do I have to withstand this pain?"

Hueningkai defines forever as emptiness. Forever is just a myth created by people who are happy and content with themselves and their lives. Forever does not exist for the ones who suffer immensely.

At times, Hueningkai believes that Yeonjun can read minds. Now, their fingers are intertwining, and Hueningkai hates how happy it made him feel, but he does not deserve this. Happiness, love, care; he does not deserve to feel those beautiful and uncorrupted emotions. It is too sinful, and Hueningkai is a sinner. How lowly of him to think he deserves to experience them all?

"Huening-ah," Yeonjun calls, "do you want to know why I am fond of you?" 

Hueningkai feels his heart stop thumping almost immediately. He has always been curious but was not in the position to ask. But now, when Yeonjun is finally going to answer his questions, Hueningkai is unsure if he is ready to face the truth. 

He lost the strength to reply, suddenly feeling as if he is drowning again. Yeonjun inches closer to Hueningkai and pushes the younger's head to rest on his shoulder.

"I had a little brother. His name is Choi Seojun. He passed away five years ago," Yeonjun opens up, and Hueningkai feels tense. 

"He hid them so well. We did not get to trace anything. One day, he left a note on his bed, and when I got to the rooftop, it was too late."

Hueningkai looks up and sees those crystals are pouring down from Yeonjun's face. He wipes them all even though it keeps coming, and Hueningkai wants Yeonjun to stop crying. It is hurting him to the brink.

"He was a bully victim, and I did not know anything about it. He said he could not take it, and he apologized for thinking only of himself. He-" The elder stops, and Hueningkai properly sits up. He caresses Yeonjun's tear-stained cheeks, and the elder melts into his touch.

"-wants the pain to stop,"

Yeonjun cries in his hold, and Hueningkai feels like throwing up. The anger and sadness in his heart escalate to the boiling point. The sudden desire to punch the life out of Suk Chin with his bare hands is mind-boggling. Hueningkai feels dizzy.

"Huening-ah," Yeonjun calls, gripping his hands tightly, "when I saw you that day, I remembered Seojun. I could not let it happen to you, as well. I had to save you, no matter what. But I have failed. I am so sorry, Huening,"

Hueningkai wants to kiss Yeonjun; he wants to leave imprints on the elder's forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips. He wants to kiss Yeonjun so much that it terrifies him.

"I will not let that happen again. I will be there for you, Huening. I promise,"

Forever is just an illusion; does that mean Yeonjun is only a dream? A mirage of broken dreams in Hueningkai's depraved world?

"Hyung," Hueningkai calls but stops mid-way as he contemplates his next word. 

Yeonjun waits for him to continue, but Hueningkai lost all the thoughts in his mind. He does not even know what to say or react, feelings are no longer valid, and life is only a delusion. Does Hueningkai even deserve to live?

"Huening-ah, I care about you, so much that it drives me crazy. Do not disappear from me. Do not run away, and do not shut me down, okay?"

Promises are frightening; it cages you in a box of hope. But promises are meant to be broken, and hope is another form of hallucination one can never amend.

Yeonjun hugs him, tight enough to breathe in the spring air into his chest, but suffocating enough to make him wish for better days.

What is Hueningkai expecting anyway? Of course, Yeonjun cares about him. He treats him as a younger brother, a family.

_Why does it hurt so much?_

"Hyung, do not hurt me," Hueningkai whispers against reddening ears.

Yeonjun buries his face at the crook of Hueningkai's neck and inhales the calming scent of mint. "I will not,"

_ Oh _ , his heart is breaking into millions of pieces. If only Yeonjun knows why he is hurting, will he be in great shock?

Hueningkai cries harder, his tears are dampening the elder's thin jumper, and all he can ever think of right now is Choi Yeonjun.

_Yeonjun cares of him like a responsible older brother_ .

The thought hurts more than it can heal him, and Hueningkai does not know what to do. He is clueless. 

Why is he hoping for more in the first place?

As the sun sets, darkness engulfs Hueningkai in their loneliness and despair, welcoming him into a phantasm of broken hearts and ceaseless promises.


	6. but i can't go on without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeonjun heaves a heavy sigh and crosses his arms. "the more time i spent with huening, the more uncertain i have become. i am afraid if i will break him rather than mending him," 
> 
> why is he so afraid of confessing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone <3
> 
> wow, i'm really overwhelmed with all your comments. I'm so happy that you guys can feel the emotions I've inserted in the characters. sincerely, I'm so grateful and blessed :') and you guys are so adorable too! here's a fluffy chapter to mend your broken hearts <3 (this is a sign for a second storm to hit soon, hehe)
> 
> I'm planning to end this story soon. a few chapters left, and it will be a wrap. the original plan consists of only three chapters xD I'm afraid if this story is dragging into somewhere unknown if I write more than 10 chapters. hehe. i hope I didn't make you sad...?
> 
> I'm not sure if I can update as frequent this month since my finals will start on 16 February. i have a paper this Friday and i haven't studied a thing (what is wrong with me) so, bear with me if the updates are slow :')
> 
> again, thank you so much for reading this humble piece of mine. i can't thank everyone enough. thank you :')
> 
> everyone, take care. stay healthy and happy. have a great week! much love.
> 
> best regards,  
> na.

"Hyung, you do not have to do this," Hueningkai heaves an exaggerated whine as he opens the door to his apartment.

Yeonjun insists on staying for the night, and as much Hueningkai likes the idea of sharing the same space with the elder, a part of his sane mind proclaims this as a crazy thought. Hueningkai, who may have a romantic feeling for Yeonjun, is not ready to spend the night together with the other. His heart is beating a hundred miles per hour just by thinking about it. Goosebumps are rising on his skin, and Hueningkai does not know what to do.

"Ning, you can say anything you want, but I will not budge," Yeonjun rebut, taking off his shoes and takes a step into Hueningkai's spacious home.

Before the elder can further intrude his little nest, Hueningkai stops him midway; both hands are on the walls beside him as he traps Yeonjun from moving forward. "Hyung, this is my house! I can chase you out if I want to," He says frantically. Beads of sweat are falling from the sides of his face as the familiar sting of anxiousness invades his heart. This time, Hueningkai knows it is not from memories, but the notion of breathing in the same air with someone he truly adores make him feel  _weird_ things. 

He is not supposed to feel this way; Hueningkai should be all over the moon because  _Choi Yeonjun_ , the heartthrob of Korea National University, the music department's IT-boy, every girls' crush and every boys' rival wants to spend the night. But he feels anything but delighted, and Yeonjun looks at him with a smirk and  _how can that bare movement make his heart race stupidly fast?_

In conclusion, Hueningkai affirms that being in the same room with Yeonjun will cause more damage than good.

"Huening-ah, it is already 11 pm, and I have class at 9 am tomorrow. Please let me in, hm?" Yeonjun pleads, clasping his hands together and looks at him with those mesmerizing fox-eyes. The previous smirk disappears as those lips turn into a cute pout.

_Shoot_ , his heart thrums. "Hyung, your dorm is only 10 minutes away from here. Why not you go home, hm? You have a morning class tomorrow. I do not want to be responsible if you are late!" 

"I will wake up, no worries, Huening. Now, let me in," Yeonjun, out of the blue, starts tickling him and Hueningkai is all shrieks and laughter now. The pain on his cheeks subside, and happiness is bubbling in his heart again. 

Yeonjun tickles him until his back meets the sofa and both of them tumbles to the carpeted floor. Hueningkai blinks furiously, realizing how awkward their current position is; Yeonjun straddling on top of him and Hueningkai lies flat on the ground. 

The moon illuminates Yeonjun's handsome features; from his glimmering galaxies, crossing his cheeks and button-nose, and falls on his plush lips. The ambience surrounding them feels intimate, Hueningkai's breath hitches as Yeonjun smiles at him sincerely this time. His pink hair tickles Hueningkai's bruised cheeks, and he thinks it feels somewhat divine.

Hueningkai wants to push the elder away because brothers are not supposed to be  _this_ close, but Yeonjun does not move an inch no matter how hard he squirms. The elder is busy staring holes into his face and Hueningkai wonders if the elder had too many doughnuts for the day. 

"Hyung," He calls, his voice sounds fragile in the cold night air. 

Yeonjun does not utter a thing. He is still on top of Hueningkai, staring into his eyes and all he can do right now is pray for his heart's well-being. Sooner or later, his heart will escape from his body for good. 

"Hyung, do not play games. Let us rest, hm? It has been a tiring day," Hueningkai tries again, giving the elder his puppy-like eyes and a small pout. Yeonjun's smile widens in a blink. Hueningkai wants to run away right now and hide. 

After a few more heartbeats, Yeonjun closes the distance (as if they are not close enough) and whispers, "Huening-ah, can I kiss you?"

His brain short-circuits faster than the speed of light. His cold fingers are trembling, his heart pumps so briskly it is about to break his ribcage into ashes, and he feels light-headed. 

"Huh?" The only word he can utter, the only thing he can make sense of in his chaotic-mind. Yeonjun needs to stop smiling because it confuses Hueningkai even more and he does not enjoy this one bit. 

"I want to kiss you," 

Does Yeonjun expect Hueningkai to muster a reply? He thought the elder knows and understand him, in and out, but the way Yeonjun behaves right now makes him question his treatment. Yeonjun sees him as a younger brother, how can he want to kiss him?

Hueningkai does not believe in his voice; he cannot find them anyway and decides to brace himself for the worst. He closes his eyes and waits.

He hears a chuckle resound in the room and feels the heat on his cheeks intensifies. He breathes in, and he feels it- a soft peck on his forehead. 

Hueningkai opens his eyes. He did not intend to be confused, but he is, and Yeonjun dares to laugh at him. Hueningkai wants to cry and run into Taehyun's arms immediately. 

"Did you think I want to kiss you on the lips?" Yeonjun asks, with a hint of seriousness and a whole lot of teasing. "You are a naughty little boy, Ning-ah."

If only Hueningkai has a shell, he will crawl into his nest and never come out again. 

He covers his tomato-like face with his hands and pushes Yeonjun away from his body with great force. The elder shouts in shock, but soon the laughter erupts again. Hueningkai finds himself sitting on the sofa with his face buried deep into the cushion. 

He feels the left side of the sofa dips, and Hueningkai shies away when Yeonjun attempts to remove his hands from covering his face. "Hey, Hueningie, do not be embarrassed. I can kiss you on the lips if you want,"

"Hyung!" Hueningkai punches Yeonjun on the chest. Hueningkai wants to cry right now. He feels embarrassed, angry, giddy, and a bit disappointed all at once.

"Okay, okay, I am sorry. Huening-ah, I am sorry," Yeonjun apologizes, taking Hueningkai's hands away from covering his angelic face. He holds Hueningkai's chin with his index finger, signalling the younger to look at him. 

"Can you look at me?"

Hueningkai shuts his eyes. He is not ready. He needs time to calm his heart down.

"Okay. Whenever you are ready, please look at me, hm?"

A few minutes pass by; he hears Yeonjun breathing steadily next to him, the sound of late-night cars heading home after a tough day, and his thundering heartbeat. 

When the adrenaline rush dissipates, Hueningkai flutters his eyes open. He welcomes the soft smile on Yeonjun's face, along with the stars dancing in his ebony-coloured orbs whole-heartedly.

"I am sorry for making you feel uneasy, Huening," Yeonjun apologizes again, tenderer, and continues, "I will not do it again if you do not want to,"

Does Hueningkai hate it? To be honest, he did not. His unconscious mind reminds him that he loved it,  _truly loved it_ , but he does not want to be hopeful. He does not want to fall anymore.

"Okay," He replies, meekly and in defeat.

The index finger now travels to his forehead where the kiss landed a few moments ago, "I have placed my mark here," Yeonjun acclaims, and the finger confidently stops at his thin lips. " _ Soon _ , when you are ready," the elder says with a hint of determination and a tinge of emotion that Hueningkai cannot decipher. 

Hueningkai does not understand what the elder is saying, but he understood one thing: Yeonjun is bold to assume he will ever be ready for it.

He watches the elder reposition himself on the sofa, taking one of the pillows into his embrace as he lies comfortably, "I am sleeping here. Good night, Huening. Sleep tight." 

He does not get to say anything as soft snores fill the room. Hueningkai is in the dark again, but this time, Yeonjun is there with him, and it will be alright.

The bell chimes as Hueningkai pushes the door open.

Instantly, he smells the whiff of freshly-brewed coffee, along with delicious-looking pastries and cinnamon-scented humidifier. Hueningkai comes to the cafe to meet Beomgyu, who gave him doughnuts and hot chocolate for free that day. He brought along a dozen of cupcakes and hope the latter will like his small token of gratitude.

He walks closer to the counter and sees a guy with black hair smiling sweetly at the customer. Hueningkai guesses that it must be Beomgyu, a childhood friend of Yeonjun and Soobin.

Hueningkai stands close to the counter, hands clammy, and frequently blinks to chase the nervousness away. 

"Good day, may I take your-" Beomgyu stops as he sees a familiar face in front of him. "Hueningkai?"

With a shy smile, Hueningkai answers, "Beomgyu-hyung."

Beomgyu brought him to a garden with a cup of iced chocolate this time, topped with whipped cream and a spoonful of crushed cookies. Today, Hueningkai insists on paying, and the elder smiles at him in acceptance.

They take a seat under the oak tree, and Hueningkai sets down the cupcakes he bought for Beomgyu at the centre. Beomgyu places their drinks too, and he looks at Hueningkai with a smile so blinding, it feels warm. 

"I am sorry for not properly introducing myself the other day," Beomgyu starts, his voice is calm and deep. 

Hueningkai looks at him and wipes his hands on his tighs. "It is okay, hyung. I am grateful you gave me those doughnuts for free. You did not have to, but you did. I am happy. Thanks a lot, Beomgyu-hyung," 

"You deserve it," Beomgyu answers right away, "but I guess Yeonjun-hyung ate most of them, right?"

He laughs, genuinely, this time, and the nervousness is slowly disappearing. Beomgyu sure knows how to make him feel comfortable. 

"Kai-ya," Beomgyu calls, and Hueningkai likes the way he calls him. It feels like home. 

"Hm?"

"If it is too much to bear, you can give me a call. I will be there for you," Beomgyu says. 

Hueningkai tries to search for a hint of insincerity in those words, but there is none. 

"Why, hyung?" Hueningkai asks. First, it was Yeonjun, then Soobin came along, and now it is Beomgyu. Why is everyone trying to protect him? What did they see in him to make such holy promises like that?

Beomgyu averts his gaze to the fountain, the spring breeze is messing with his hair, but he glows prettily under the balmy sun. "There are no reasons, Kai-ya. Just like Yeonjun-hyung and Soobin-hyung, God sent this feeling in my heart to take care of you." 

Hueningkai is undeserving, really he is. He wonders what he did in his past lives to receive such noble treatment from these kind souls.

"Yeonjun-hyung only cares about me the way he did with the late Seojun," Hueningkai does not know what has gotten into him, but he mindlessly exposed a fragment of his emotion in the open and to someone he only met. He pinches himself, regretting his heart that speaks for his mouth instead.

Beomgyu seems interested as he looks at Hueningkai again, "Hueningkai, are you serious?" 

"Huh?"

Beomgyu looks at him in disbelief. "Do you think Yeonjun-hyung only cares about you like a little brother?" 

Hueningkai nods. Beomgyu heaves a long breath along with a giggle. "You are oblivious, Kai-ya,"

"Hyung, what do you mean?" Hueningkai asks, feeling desperate to know what is the suspicious smile on Beomgyu's face mean.

"I will not spoil the fun. Someday, you will know. Yeonjun-hyung will not be able to last long either," Beomgyu claims and sips his cold drink. 

Hueningkai has so much to ask, but he does not know where to start. He looks at Beomgyu questioningly, but the other smiles at him and delve into the red velvet cupcake instead. 

He wants answers, but what he gets now is more questions.

Hueningkai takes his iced chocolate and sips them, letting the sweet and bitter taste of cocoa linger on his tastebuds. Faintly, he hears Beomgyu softly laughing at him, but this time, Hueningkai does not want to know the reason. 

Soobin looks around, keeping an eye in case Suk Chin or Chul are in their radar. Yeonjun sits by his side, earphones plugged in his ears, and starts singing the song he is performing for evaluation week. 

He does not see Hueningkai all day, and he starts to worry. On the other hand, Yeonjun looks composed, and Soobin knows something fishy is going on.

He nudges on the elder's shoulder, trying to get his attention. Looking annoyed, Yeonjun pulls out his earphone and glares at Soobin. "Why? What is it this time?"

Soobin cannot help but laugh at Yeonjun. The elder can be so cold at him and Beomgyu but melts like goo when he sees Hueningkai.  _Ah, the power of love._ What other sorcery can ever beat that magic? Soobin can only speculate.

"Nothing. I am just surprised you are not as tense you usually are whenever Huening is not around," Soobin utters. 

The funny thing about Yeonjun is, whenever there is a mention of Hueningkai, the elder will either smile or blush.  _Kids these days are not subtle with their feelings , _ Soobin giggles at the thought _. _

"He is busy," Yeonjun replies, trying to remain aloof. "He is practising for a piano recital if I am not mistaken? Yeah, something like that,"

Little did Yeonjun know, Soobin and Taehyun are teaming up to dig everything juicy about their sprouting relationship. Taehyun provides information about Hueningkai, and Soobin will inform about Yeonjun. Along the way, he gets to know Taehyun, and it is a bonus point for him. 

Soobin laughs but soon stops when a question he and Taehyun thought of yesterday night pops in his mind. He looks at Yeonjun, contemplating for a second, and asks, "Hyung, do you love Huening?"

Red is painting his cheeks, but Yeonjun shrugs them off with a sigh, "Of course, I do,"

"But you know what I mean, right, hyung? I am not talking about the platonic-kind-of-love," Soobin pauses, placing his hand on Yeonjun's thigh and continues, "do you  _love_ him?"

There is an array of emotion exploding on the elder's face. There is happiness, love, but also deep fear and sadness. Soobin wants to know the reason behind the rainbow of feelings. Yeonjun looks agitated, and all Soobin wants right now is to engulf the latter in a hug. 

He did, and Yeonjun rests his head on his chest. "I do not know," the elder replies weakly.

"Why, hyung? I thought you were confident with your feelings for Huening,"

Yeonjun heaves a heavy sigh and crosses his arms. "The more time I spent with Huening, the more uncertain I have become. I am afraid if I will break him rather than mending him," 

Soobin's heart breaks without him noticing. "What makes you think that way, hyung?"

"I do not know either," Yeonjun answers, all faith crushing down. "I am not sure if my love can save him from all the pain he went through. I am scared if it is not enough," 

He slaps the elder's thigh and Yeonjun yelps in pain and surprise. "Ya! Why did you hit me?!"

Soobin pushes the elder away and holds him by the shoulder, "I cannot believe, the ever-so-confident Choi Yeonjun thinks so lowly of his feelings for someone! Why are you behaving this way, hyung? You love him, do not you?"

Yeonjun is not looking at him, and Soobin does not expect an answer. He understands how sacred that word is, and the value it holds in Yeonjun's life. 

"Even if you cannot heal him, I believe he can rely on you, hyung. He believes in you. I know he wants it too. He wants this more than anything," Soobin sincerely says, hoping it can knock some sense on the elder's head. 

"How can you be so sure, Soobin-ah?" Yeonjun asks. A sad smile is lacing his lips as he continues, "I do not want to risk everything we have right now. It is too precious, so beautiful, and I do not want it to break us apart."

Soobin presses on his shoulders firmly, "Hyung, do you trust me?"

Yeonjun nods, and Soobin smother fleeting touches on the latter's broad shoulder. "Hueningkai wants this as much you do. You have to make him believe in your seriousness," 

Although Yeonjun is older than Soobin, at times like this, Soobin acts more maturely and wisely. Yeonjun always hangs onto the younger's advice because they are reliable enough for him to follow. He is thankful for having Soobin and Beomgyu in his life. Even after Seojun's passing, they fill up the void in his heart, and when Hueningkai comes knocking at the door, Yeonjun starts to believe in love again.

Soobin embraces Yeonjun again and pats the elder's head ardently. "Take as much time you require, Yeonjun-hyung. It is okay. There is no need to rush on good things,"

They ignore the questioning looks some students give to them, and Soobin continues to cradle the elder, praying for the storm in Yeonjun's heart to abate.

Soobin has a lot to share tonight, and Taehyun must be happy to know all the details as well. He smiles joyfully as the thought of spending the night talking with Taehyun fills his senses.

Yeonjun dives straight onto the bed after a long day of classes. 

Soobin is already asleep, and the room is dark. Only the moon shines their way into the room, and Yeonjun witnesses the sparkling stars on the cloudless sky are waving at him. He waves back, holding a heart sign and presses his face further to the pillow.

Yeonjun cannot stop thinking of Soobin's words the other day, and he has been pondering ever since. He feels suffocated but not enough to drown him. There is an uneasy feeling deep inside him, and Yeonjun is wrecking his brain trying to find a way out. He cannot find it no matter how deep he digs, and eventually, he gave up. 

Why is he so afraid of confessing? 

Something is tying him down, a knot that is so messy and tight, he cannot undo them. 

He glances at his handphone, doubts his next move, but decides to go for it. Yeonjun opens KakaoTalk and searches for Hueningkai's name on his list of favourites.

To: Sunshine Huening

Huening-ah, do you have plans for tomorrow?

Each second, the anxiousness grows in him, gnaws at him, and Yeonjun hates it. He brushes his pink hair in frustration but stops halfway as he receives a message.

_From: Sunshine Huening_

_No, I do not. Why, hyung?_

Yeonjun has a final project coming up, and he needs to find a muse. He cannot think of anyone aside from the younger. There is no harm asking Hueningkai to be his subject, right?

To: Sunshine Huening

I have this project, and I need your help. Can you help me?

Soobin groans in his sleep, out of the blue, and Yeonjun rubs his chest from the shock. His handphone blinks in yellow, and he opens the message full of hope.

_From: Sunshine Huening_

_Okay, hyung. I think I can help you :-)_

Yeonjun feels his heart thumps hardly in his chest, and he thinks maybe it is from the emoji Hueningkai used. 

To: Sunshine Huening

Alright. I will see you tomorrow. Good night, Ning. Sleep tight. xo

He receives a reply instantly;  _night hyung, x. _ Yeonjun is elevating to another dimension. His heart feels light, and the smile on his lips turns into a grin.

Someday, he will make things clear for them both. Yeonjun is waiting for the right time to sort out his feelings.

When the time comes, he will let Hueningkai knows how much he means to him, more than the stars and moon combined. 


	7. i'm drunk with your warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hueningkai wants to give in. 
> 
> he wants to give in to this confusing feeling all at once. 
> 
> he wants to believe that his feelings for yeonjun have always been _love_ , nothing more and nothing less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone :-)
> 
> sorry for the slow update T_T I don't even know what I was doing this whole week. what is wrong with me? haha. but! I have finished my first out of six papers yesterday! praise to God, I think I did well ^^; I have five core papers left and I'm scared :'( I need to start studying and stop procrastinating! therefore, updates will be slower than before... please forgive me...
> 
> how are you guys doing? I hope that everyone is in pink. this is another fluffy chapter, but the ending though... please, do not be mad at me :') I hope that you will enjoy this chapter! 7/9. I am planning to write nine chapters for this story. I hope you are okay with it, ya? I will try my best to wrap this story nicely (hehe) what will happen to hueningkai? stay tuned!
> 
> I have a question: do you guys have a Twitter account? do you think I should make one?
> 
> everyone, please take care. always stay healthy and safe. have a great weekend! enjoy reading this chapter ya x
> 
> [ps: I listened to [scent - sam kim](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BQA4OBVPKc) while writing this ^^*]
> 
> best regards,  
> na.

Yeonjun waits for Hueningkai's arrival with cold and clammy hands.

He clutches at the fabric of his thin jumper, feeling the thunderous heartbeat pounding against his ribcage, and Yeonjun hisses in pain and frustration.  _Ya_ , he says with a sigh,  _stop beating so fast_ . 

Yeonjun decides to interview Hueningkai for his final project this semester. Prof Choi insists that all of his students need to create an out-of-this-world presentation, and Yeonjun can only think of the younger. Hueningkai can play multiple instruments, and surprisingly, he can sing and dance too. Overall, Hueningkai is a multi-talented genius that is hiding from the prying eyes of the world. 

One day, He caught the latter singing to a familiar song, but Yeonjun could not pinpoint the title until now. His voice sounds sweet, and it compliments his angelic features to the maximum. 

When Yeonjun found Hueningkai singing his heart out that day, he is sure of his confusing emotions. Yeonjun can finally admit that he is in love.

_He is in love all along_ . 

It is not platonic, or rather brotherly love. Yeonjun is in love with Hueningkai from the first time he saw him, and how foolish of Yeonjun to only understand it now? He ponders every night, and he asks Soobin and Beomgyu about it. They helped him understand his feelings because Yeonjun still doubts himself at times. He laughs at himself. How can he be so dense?

The door to the music room opens, and Yeonjun's eyes immediately collide with a pair of brown-coloured orbs. Those eyes are shining with serenity, warmth, and everything beautiful. His heart starts racing again, and Yeonjun wants to know if they get to finish in the first place or no.

"Good morning, Yeonjun-hyung," Hueningkai greets with a sweet and shy smile. Yeonjun wants to reply, but his voice disappears along with the latter's splendid beauty. 

Hueningkai looks dazzling; he is wearing something different from his usual clothing style. He wears a white dress shirt with one side sticking out from his fit-denim jeans, a pair of black converse, and he parts his gelled-hair in the middle;  _Hueningkai looks drop-dead gorgeous_ . 

Yeonjun has never seen Hueningkai look this handsome before, he does not even know if this side of the latter  _exists_ , but he is glad he witnessed this wonderful sight with his disgraceful eyes.

The younger senses Yeonjun's eyes on him, jaw agape, and he immediately takes a seat while letting out an awkward cough. "Ehem," he pauses, "I am sorry for being late, hyung. Taehyun helped me with this," Hueningkai flaps the untucked shirt with his fingers and giggles stiffly. 

"Do I look weird in this, hyung?" Hueningkai asks. His eyes meet Yeonjun's again, and this time it shines with curiosity and anticipation. 

A few heartbeats pass by, but Yeonjun still cannot form a single word to reply. The effect Hueningkai has on him is too strong, and his brain (and heart) needs more time to process this extravagant discovery.  _Oh God_ , his heart sings,  _he looks so damn good_ .

Hueningkai scratches his head, and it is a _sin to_ look good even while doing that. How can Hueningkai look so sinful yet innocent at the same time? Yeonjun does not understand how this world works, and  _this_ Hueningkai in front of him makes him question his existence.

The latter stands almost too quickly that the chair topples. Hueningkai fixes his dress shirt, reaches for the doorknob and frantically says, "Ah, I must look awful in this! I should go home and change. Please wait for me, hyung, I will-"

Yeonjun takes his hand before he can exit the room. His heartbeat is pounding boisterously in his ears, and Yeonjun swears it starts bleeding. "No," he whispers, so low that Hueningkai might not hear it.

But he did, and Hueningkai stops moving. He waits for Yeonjun to continue, patiently this time and allows his eyes to stare into Yeonjun's again. 

Yeonjun inhales a breath, deep enough that his chest agonizingly heaves upwards, and replies, "You look amazing, Huening. So amazing,  _gorgeous_ ," his finger hovers on the younger's cheeks, waiting for Hueningkai to permit his next move. Hueningkai nods, and his index finger kisses those pillow-like cheeks, twirling on his lips, and landed on his broad shoulder. "You look so handsome that I thought my eyes are deceiving me,"

Hueningkai laughs at him, the tension slowly disappearing to the spring air, "You are exaggerating, hyung," he exclaims, hitting Yeonjun's chest softly.

He accepts all of Hueningkai's punches with an open arm. He needs them anyway; it helps slow down the speed of his roaring heart. 

"This style does not suit me, but Taehyun said I need to look a bit chic for this interview," the younger explains, and Yeonjun listens to every word attentively.

"I do agree that your usual style suits you the best," Yeonjun pauses, spinning Hueningkai's body around, closing the distance between them and whisper to the latter's ears, "but you do look extra hot in this get-up," 

"Hyung!"

Yeonjun laughs, so loud and cheerful. He feels the spring sun laughing along with him, the green leaves rustling together as if they are clapping upon witnessing how fascinating Hueningkai Kamal looks like right now. 

He stops laughing as reality kicks in. 

It comes in delicate waves crashing his fragile heart; the coarse sand tickles his bones, but Yeonjun loves the sensation too much to ignore them. Hueningkai pulls him closer and closer to the sea, bringing him to an oasis in a wasteland full of hope and dream, and Yeonjun does not mind getting lost or drown. As long Hueningkai is pulling him, Yeonjun is willing to go wherever the latter takes him.

As the sun shines their ray to earth and lands on Hueningkai's face, his whole figure glows in gold. A halo sits humbly on top of his head, and when Hueningkai looks at him with the usual glimmering smile, Yeonjun's breath hitches in amazement. 

If Soobin and Beomgyu are with him now, they will laugh at Yeonjun for looking so stupidly in love.

_But he is_ . 

He is, undeniably, in love with Hueningkai, and Yeonjun does not plan to run away from his feelings anymore.

Hueningkai sits next to the big windows, and the yellow rays are gentle on his skin, enhancing his grace. Yeonjun feels undeserving, but he takes pride for being the only witness (aside from Taehyun,  _of course_ , he needs to send a long thank you letter to the younger soon) the latter in his most real glory. 

Yeonjun pinches his arms long enough to make him shriek internally, and takes a seat opposite Hueningkai. "Okay then, are you ready for the interview?"

Hueningkai's eyes travel to the whole room, and once he noticed the camera focusing on him, his cheeks blush in red. "I-I am ready," 

He feels itchy; he wants to hug the younger because he knows Hueningkai feels nervous and anxious. He had crossed so many boundaries between them, but Yeonjun will always end up relucting. He is afraid if he is too direct with his actions that it might scare Hueningkai away. Although Yeonjun is bold and confident, when it comes to Hueningkai, there is always an exception. That is how special Hueningkai is in Yeonjun's heart.

"Huening-ah," Yeonju starts, attracting Hueningkai's focus on him. "Whenever you are ready, okay? Treat this as a simple Q&A session with an old friend. Does that make you feel better?" He asks hesitantly. Yeonjun is not sure if he is calming or making the other more nervous than before. Hueningkai stares at him, blank, and Yeonjun is about to sit beside him when the latter exhales a deep breath and smiles.

"Okay, old friend," Hueningkai says, cheekily, and Yeonjun feels his heart bursting in his chest; an explosion of gold, yellow, and orange. All things beautiful are erupting in his body, sweet nectar flows in his veins and arteries, and his chest constricts so tightly, but it feels  _so good_ . 

Butterflies are flying everywhere, from the deepest part of his stomach and up to his throat. Yeonjun feels funny, but the smile on his face is genuine and full of love. 

Yeonjun runs his fingers through his messy pink hair, in both excitement and nervousness. But when he sees Hueningkai's eyes are following his every gesture, something so foreign and fiery igniting from those galaxies, he wonders how his heart can skip so many beats in a day?

He gulps the bitterness in his throat, tucks a strand of hair behind his ears and says, "Okay, let us start the interview?"

As calm he seems to be, only God knows how hard his knees are buckling under the table. 

Hueningkai nods, taking the guitar close to him and they start the interview as planned.

Along the way, Yeonjun is both in love and stupefy, and he does not want to run from these innocent feelings anymore.

"Taehyun-ah, why do you invite the hyungs? I thought this is  _ our _ date! Only two of us?" 

Hueningkai cannot believe this. Taehyun deceived him again.

They are standing in the middle of the amusement park waiting for Yeonjun, Soobin and Beomgyu to show up. Taehyun promised him on a date, and Hueningkai gladly agrees because he wants to spend more time with his best friend. It has been a tough month for Hueningkai; he practices all day for his piano recital a week from now, and a day-out with his soulmate sounds legit, the two of them hanging out and having fun. But, he does not expect Taehyun to invite them, and Hueningkai feels betrayed.

"Hyuka-ya," Taehyun calls, holding onto his shoulders firmly. "It would be a lot of fun with them joining us!"

"You only want to spend time with Soobin-hyung! You will leave me alone with Yeonjun-hyung!" Hueningkai whines, stomping his feet in dislike. 

Taehyun laughs at him upon seeing the cute pout on Hueningkai's face. He pinches those cheeks, and the latter slaps his hands away with a grunt. "Do not touch me. I am mad at you!"

Hueningkai is so dramatic that Taehyun stumbles backwards, trying to hold his laughter from bursting. 

He inhales a deep breath and walks closer to his best friend. Taehyun engulfs Hueningkai in a hug, and the other instantly melts in his touch, resting his face close to his neck. "Ya, I am sorry for not telling you about this. But I believe you will have a good time today," He breaks the hug and stares into Hueningkai's glistening orbs.

"Are you not excited? Yeonjun-hyung is going to be here! You have always wanted to go on amusement park dates,"

"But I want to go only with you!"

"You have Yeonjun-hyung and me, and we have two new friends! Do not you think it is a gift from God?" 

Hueningkai does not know how to answer.  _ Yes _ , Yeonjun, Soobin, and Beomgyu are great friends, but Hueningkai is afraid of this feeling. He wants to be independent, but it is difficult than he thought. He hates himself for thinking and behaving this way, but he cannot help it. Wounds take a long time to heal, and scars will forever etch on our skin as a remembrance.

"Hyuka, I know you hate being dependent on us, but we do not mind," Taehyun says. It surprises Hueningkai that the other knows his never-ending thoughts without being said out loud.

"You can lean on us. Do not keep all those emotions alone, it is dangerous," 

Hueningkai cannot find the will to reply. So many questions and thoughts are running in his mind, but he does not expect an answer. Someday, he will find a solution to his curiosities.

"Taehyun-ah! Huening-ah!"

He looks around to find the said voice and Taehyun follows suit. The smile that forms on his face is brighter than the sun on top of their heads. Taehyun looks so alive and dazzling, maybe that is how love looks on someone;  _vivid, vibrant, and fascinating_ .

"Soobin-hyung!" 

Instantly, his heart feels bubbly as Soobin runs toward Taehyun's direction. The shy smiles on their faces make his chest hurt but in a pleasant way. Hueningkai still cannot believe they are not yet dating. With those fond looks? Anyone can tell they are head over heels for each other.

In dramas, there is always a moment of epiphany. When the protagonist realizes their feelings for the other, flowers will start blooming, the sun will shine at its finest, and the cool breeze will blow their silky locks in elegance.  Hueningkai does not believe that; only in dramas, those fairytales seem realistic. It can never happen in real life. Never.

_But what is this?_

What is Hueningkai witnessing at this very second?

Yeonjun is walking towards him. Every step that he takes is pulling the correct heartstring in his figure. Each pull evokes a feeling so deep, but subtle enough that it makes his head spin and his skin prickle. 

Yeonjun always dresses to impress, but today, of all days, he rocks his chic style by tying up his majestic pink hair into a bun. Some strands are falling at either side of his face, and he looks handsome,  _too handsome_ . Every eye is on him, but Yeonjun's are on Hueningkai instead.

He feels small, almost non-existent, as Yeonjun stops right in front of him with a smile so dashing. Hueningkai feels like collapsing, the oxygen does not flow in his lungs well, and his vision starts to blacken.

When he hears that familiar fizzy chuckle, Hueningkai returns to the real world. He hears Yeonjun laughing at him, and Hueningkai wants the world to stop revolving and  _listen_ : listen to that beautiful note playing from a kind and untainted soul.  _Choi Yeonjun_ .

"Hyung," he utters, meekly, out of breath. 

"Hello," Yeonjun replies, almost teasing him further to the edge, and Hueningkai can only rely on the last fibre of strength left in his body to breathe.

"Kai-ya, are you okay?" A voice startles him, and it belongs to Beomgyu. When did Beomgyu get here?

His cheeks are super red, and Hueningkai wants to disintegrate and hide from the cruel world. But Taehyun nudges him from the back (he does not know when Taehyun is standing behind him) and the distance between them disappears.

Standing close to Yeonjun, he sees mischief pooling in his alluring fox-like eyes, unshaken confidence, and dashes of love.  _What is that?_

"I-I am okay," He manages to answer. He feels Beomgyu's hand on top of his head, and he looks up to see an emblazing fire in Yeonjun's eyes.

"Beomgyu-hyung, be careful. Yeonjun-hyung is glaring at you," Soobin says playfully, and Beomgyu quickly retreats.

"Haha, I am sorry, hyung-nim," Beomgyu apologizes and steps back. 

Hueningkai is in awe. They have planned this all along. He will get back to Taehyun after this day ends. Taehyun will receive the punishment he deserves.

Yeonjun stands by his side, their shoulders meet, and announces, "Okay, kids! You guys can run along, and we will meet again for the fireworks at 8 pm here,"

"Where are you going, hyung?" Soobin asks, genuinely confused.

Yeonjun glances at him, and Hueningkai swears his whole world shuts down in a split second. "I am going with Huening. You guys can do anything you want. Soobin-ah, take your boyfriend and Beomgyu. No one disturbs Hueningkai and me until 8 pm, okay?" 

The eldest pushes the three of them away, with Soobin shouting  _he is not my boyfriend yet!_

Taehyun gazes at him with a shy smile and something more than happiness, and Hueningkai feels at ease. At least his best friend is having fun with someone he likes. Then, Hueningkai is not spending time with someone he likes too? Hueningkai shakes his head.  _Feelings are so confusing_ .

"Kai-ya! Call me if Yeonjun-hyung does anything weird!" Beomgyu screams. Yeonjun kicks him on the butt, and Hueningkai cannot help but laugh. 

When the commotion died down, Yeonjun approaches him again. He extends his hands, and Hueningkai looks at the elder, puzzled.

"Let us go on a date, hm?" Yeonjun suggests, smiling and waiting for a reply, _a_ _lways waiting_ . "Only the two of us," he whispers, and Hueningkai's heart somersaults.

Hueningkai wants this. He knows. And he does not want to deny it any longer.

He takes Yeonjun's hands and their skin touch. It feels like magic; their hands fit so well together, like a missing puzzle, they complete each other most beautifully. 

Yeonjun stares at their entwined hands, and a smile that challenges the sun decorates his handsome face. He glances at Hueningkai for one more time before they make a run towards the spring sun. 

"Did you have fun today?"

They are sitting on the bench while waiting for the sun to set. Yeonjun sits by his right, a corn dog in his hands and ketchup smeared at the corner of his lips. Without thinking much, Hueningkai wipes them away and sucks on his thumb; the sweet and sour flavour invades his tastebud.

Yeonjun looks taken aback, and his irises darken instantly. Hueningkai has never seen that look before, but it makes him feel electrocuted.

Ignoring the desireful look in Yeonjun's orbs, Hueningkai looks at the orange sky and answers, "I did,"

They rode almost all the rides here. Even though Hueningkai is afraid of heights, but Yeonjun does not force him. Hueningkai was willing to overcome his fears; he believes it is time to be braver and face them heads on.

Along the way, Yeonjun holds him, hugs him, and encourages him. Hueningkai feels incredible as if he can conquer the world if Yeonjun is by his side. He feels braver and stronger now; Yeonjun breathes in those strong traits into his body.

The elder seemingly has revived from a daydream, smiles at Hueningkai sweetly and utters, "I am glad." 

Hueningkai waits for the tsunami in his heart to stop, but it did not. He understands now; the storm will never subside if he is with Yeonjun. 

"Thank you, hyung,"

Yeonjun glances at him and places the corn dog beside him. He takes Hueningkai's hands and claps them together with his cold ones. "You needed a break. I know you have been practising all day and night for the recital. Today is a perfect day for you to unwind," 

Hueningkai nods, acknowledging the effort Taehyun and the hyungs have done to him. He feels blessed to have such good friends like them in his life. He could not ask for more than this.

"But, I am sorry for asking you to go on those rides with me," Yeonjun apologizes, playing with their intertwined fingers and swaying them to the air.

He shakes his head in denial, "No, hyung. I do not mind. It is time for me to be brave," 

The sun almost sets, the blue and pink of the vast sky compliments Yeonjun's silky hair to the fullest. He looks stunning even when the sky approaches pitch black, and for the first time, Hueningkai wants to believe this is love.

The elder pats his head ardently; his smile reminds him of the stars and all things pretty, "I am so proud of you, Huening,"

Hueningkai wants to give in. 

He wants to give in to this confusing feeling all at once. 

He wants to believe that his feelings for Yeonjun have always been  _ love _ , nothing more and nothing less. 

Hueningkai breathes in, clutches their hands tighter and finds the perfect words to confess. With much strength and determination, he says, "Yeonjun-hyung, I-"

Yeonjun lets go of their hands, and a part of his heart dies. "Huening-ah, I need to go to the restroom. I will be back in five, okay?" 

Yeonjun starts running, and Hueningkai is in bewilderment. 

Hueningkai pats his chest and consoles his almost-shattering heart.  _You can tell him when he gets back_ .

The sun fully sets on the horizon, and a tiny voice in him wishes to witness this with Yeonjun.

As he waits for the elder to return, his eyes travel to his surroundings. Boisterous laughter, cheery smiles and the scent of delicious street foods are painting the scenery in streaks of colour. Little things make life more beautiful, and these little details worth more than anything this world can offer.

He looks down to the ground, and as a pair of shoes stop in front of him, Hueningkai welcomes them with a smile.

"Hyung-"

His heart stops beating without notice. 

Anxiety starts to ripple in his chest, the rush in his veins are flowing in haywire, and the red memories are filling his head, pounding them into a mesh of ugliness. Hueningkai feels suffocated to the point of drowning. Again and again, he feels hopeless and helpless.

Hueningkai trembles as he weakly whispers, "C-Chul."


	8. without you, how can i be fine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hueningkai smiles at him for one last time before falling.
> 
> he falls, and yeonjun is there to catch him safely in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warning(s)** : violence, blood, suicidal acts (please do not proceed if you are uncomfortable with this!)
> 
> hello everyone. I am so sorry for the delay T_T it took me forever to update this story! I am sorry :'( well, here you go- chapter 8 is here.
> 
> honestly, I am not sure how you guys will react to this chapter... do tell me your opinion in the comment section? I will take all criticism in mind, no worries :-) I am studying literature, therefore, it is a given for me to receive critics from readers hehe. I hope that I did not disappoint everyone, with the amount of time you have to wait for an update :( this chapter was quite taxing to write because I was afraid of the emotions were not enough. but, I think I did my best and I was quite satisfied with it.
> 
> ah, another chapter left. I am sad to end this story, tbh :( but all things must come to an end, right? 
> 
> the last chapter will be updated, prolly after my exams? I have covered four subjects, only one left. I hope I can do well.
> 
> I apologize for all the errors in this chapter. sorry if it is too heavy or too much. I don't even know why I love hurting myself :')
> 
> everyone, please take care. stay healthy and safe. have a great weekend ahead. x
> 
> songs that I listened to when writing this chapter:  
> [fallin' - kim feel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U7BdnI-KFE)  
> [maze in the mirror - txt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9bUniIgO3w)
> 
> [ps: you can scream/scold me on twitter, [@orenjiuyus](https://twitter.com/orenjiuyus)]

Hueningkai can taste the bile rising in his throat, the familiar sting on his skin and the ache on his cheeks as Chul takes a seat beside him. The atmosphere surrounding them is dense as if Hueningkai is in a tightly-sealed box with no way out. His heartbeat is palpating at an inhumane speed, but he remembers the breathing technique taught by Taehyun, and slowly allows the realization to sink in.

The sun has fully set; the stars are dangling lively on the vast sky, but Hueningkai prays so hard,  _ deep down _ , wishing that one of those stars will engulf him in a black hole. He never sees this coming: he never expects to meet Chul  _ here _ out of every place there is in South Korea. It was supposed to be the happiest day of his life with his beloved people, but it is going downhill now. 

Chul coughs the awkwardness away, but Hueningkai's body tenses immediately. The other sensed his nervousness as he utters, "Hueningkai, I am sorry for being here," 

Chul pauses, glancing at Hueningkai that is still void from any word or expression. "This is a coincidence. Um, I am not stalking you or anything. I just happened to be here with my girlfriend,"

Hueningkai finds the strength to look at Chul, and the other is smiling sheepishly at him. He does not understand what it means, but a part of him feels the tension dissolves with the night air. 

The other looks hesitant, and Hueningkai wonders if it has to do with anything that happened between them before. Chul clasps both his hands together and turns his body to face him, "Hueningkai, I am sorry, for everything." 

The eyes never lie: Hueningkai is a sole believer of that saying. He believes that other body parts of a human can tell a lie, but the eyes can only speak the truth. The eyes are the windows to a person's heart, so how can those orbs have the audacity to tell such lies? 

"I do not know how to atone to my sins, but I am deeply sorry for everything that I did to you, Hueningkai," Chul confesses, and if Hueningkai pays attention to details, he might see a tear slipping from the latter's eyes. 

Chul wipes his runny nose with the back of his hands; his eyes are teary as it searches for Hueningkai's soft, brown ones, "I am not expecting you to forgive me. I want you to know that I deeply regretted everything I have done," 

The world is indeed beautiful, and beauty is from the eyes of the beholder. A warm, cosy feeling is sprouting in his chest and crawling all over his skin. Hueningkai does not want to cry, but he did, and it is happy tears this time. "Thank you, Chul-ah,"

Chul is crying beside him, hard enough that his body shakes furiously and his lips are chanting  _ I'm sorry _ repeatedly. Hueningkai smiles at this, his heart feels exceptionally full that it almost explode, and he exhales a deep breath full of thankfulness. 

"Huening!"

His head snaps sideways almost too quickly when he heard Yeonjun's voice from afar. The elder marches forward, pits of fire are emblazing in his eyes as Yeonjun reaches for Chul's collar. "What are you doing here?! What did you do to Huening?!"

Hueningkai holds onto Yeonjun for dear life, encircling his hands around the latter's biceps, stopping him before things can get messy. Yeonjun looks at him; his eyes shine with confusion and anger as Hueningkai shakes his head in denial. 

"He did not do anything to me, hyung," Hueningkai whispers, patting the elder's arms ardently. 

Yeonjun melts in a heartbeat, the fire is still there but not as intense, and Hueningkai takes this as a sign to release the elder's deathly grip on Chul's collar. The latter looks at him intensely, demanding an answer, but all Hueningkai did is smile at him. 

"Chul came here to apologize," Hueningkai starts, but the expression on Yeonjun's face is not so pleasant for the eyes to witness.

The other heaves a sarcastic sigh, "Huening-ah, how can you be sure he is sincere? What if he tries to bully you again? Do you think I can ever let that happen?!" Yeonjun glares at the trembling Chul, whose eyes are on the ground than on them.

With watery eyes and quivering lips, Hueningkai answers calmly, "I feel it in my bones. I feel his sincerity," he gazes at Chul who happens to look at him, and a soft smile lingers on his lips. Chul smiles too; tears are still streaming from his crescent eyes.

Chul squeaks a reply, "Yeonjun-ah, I promise with my body that I will not bully Hueningkai anymore. I swear in the name of God. I have learned my lesson. Please, forgive me," he bows deeply to Yeonjun, and the pink-haired beauty wipes his face with frustration and cluelessness. 

The hand on his arms fall to his wrist, and those fingers delicately find their way to entwine with Yeonjun's shaking ones. Anger was seeping into his bones, but with every innocent touch from Hueningkai, the knot in his heart becomes undone. 

Hueningkai's eyes are beautiful against the dark sky, and the tears in his eyes are like precious crystals that made up his entire universe. Yeonjun hates seeing the younger cry. "You do not have to forgive him now, hyung. Both of us can take as much time we need," 

Chul bows to both of them again and walks away, but he managed to give an honest smile, and Hueningkai accepts them with a nod. He turns to face Yeonjun, and he knows the elder is still trying to process everything that had happened. He does not expect Yeonjun to be okay with this,  _ heck _ , people in their right mind will never do what Hueningkai did. He trusts his intuition; even if Chul bullies him again someday, Hueningkai will brace himself for the worst.

Yeonjun pulls Hueningkai to sit on the bench again. "Huening-ah," he calls, out of breath as his chest heaves up and down rapidly.

He waits for the other to continue, but Yeonjun cannot find the right words to express his feelings. He is confused, proud, happy, and everything in between. Hueningkai faced one of his bullies alone without Yeonjun or the others by his side, but this time he was not hurting. He is smiling and breathing and brave. Yeonjun should be happy, but that feeling does not sit right in his heart for unknown reasons.  _ Why is he feeling this way? _

Yeonjun feels a light thump on his shoulder, and when he turns his head around, his nose bump into a mop of hair that smells like coconut. It smells nice, and Yeonjun feels his whole body elevates to another dimension. His heart rate speeds up in a blink, and their entwined fingers are quivering, or is it just Yeonjun's?

Hueningkai inches closer, their shoulders meet, their sneakers are pressing to one another, and the younger's grip around his fingers tightens. "I am okay, hyung. You do not have to worry," 

He closes his eyes and feels the spring breeze passing through their bodies. His heart that was once heavy with mysterious emotions is now light and fleeting. Yeonjun exhales loudly, his full lips forming a smile as Hueningkai snuggles closer to his neck.

" _ Oh _ , Huening-ah," he exclaims, his soul disappears, totally lost of words to reply. 

They are enjoying the night view, the wind blowing their hair in all direction, the gleeful peals of laughter from people booming in their eardrums, and the warmth from each other's skin. 

When Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu came to them, all Hueningkai and Yeonjun did was smile as if nothing had happened. 

Sometimes, it is better to keep a secret just between two people and no one else.

He cracks his fingers in nervousness. 

He inhales and exhales, each process only spikes up his agitation rather than calming the storm in him. He shakes his head, trying to get rid of every discouraging whisper and heaves a deep sigh. He repeats the cycle over and over, hoping that God will do his magic and let him calm down even for a second. 

"Hueningkai, you will be up next! Get ready in five okay?" Dr Kim breaks the beautiful daydream, and Hueningkai is stuck in reality again.

He nods lifelessly, and Hueningkai is certain he looks even paler than he usually is now. He stands up and shakes his whole body, wriggling his fingers and stretching his arms and legs. He spent almost a month on this piano recital. Night changes into day; time passed by so fast when he exited the music room after endless hours of practice. Even so, Yeonjun was always there to pick him up with a cup of hot chocolate (in courtesy of Beomgyu) in hands. Yeonjun was there to pat his head and tuck him to sleep, and when the elder thought he was asleep, Yeonjun would whisper encouraging words to his ears. 

That was what kept him going, and today, did Hueningkai feel like giving up? Yes, he did. But does he want to let Yeonjun and everyone down? No. 

He looks at his appearance on the glass mirror with piercing eyes. He was weak before, but now, he is braver. He will not succumb to those suffocating emotions anymore. It is time to stand up for himself and fight this anxiety all at once. He needs to believe in himself and no one else. He needs to accept his flaws and embrace his strengths. 

His handphone blinks in yellow, and Hueningkai catches a glimpse of the message on the screen.

_ Yeonjunnie-hyung <3 [09:56 am] _

_ Good luck, Huening-ah. We are all here to support you! I am the one in black, and the most handsome out of every attendee today ;-) _

The smile on his face turns into a wide grin. Confidence is boiling in his veins, and Hueningkai feels he can conquer the world now.

_ Yeonjunnie-hyung <3 [09:57 am] _

_ I am proud of you, always ^^*  _

The door opens, and he sees the smile on Dr Kim's face. "Kai Kamal Huening, it is your turn now!" 

Hueningkai nods and stashes his belongings away. He inhales another breath as he reaches for the door. Dr Kim pats his back with the most encouraging smile, and shows a thumb up, "You can do this, Kai!"

His cheeks hurt from smiling too much, but he does anyway and nods enthusiastically. Hueningkai jogs the backstage and waits for his signal. The curtains opened, and Hueningkai bumps into Suk Chin. Suk Chin's eyes are red and watery as he runs to the door. 

Hueningkai does not get to think of anything when the stage director calls for him, "Hueningkai Kamal, get on the stage now. Good luck!"

With a breath, he climbs up the stairs and enters the stage.

He hears a loud and excited clap, and Hueningkai believes it is from Beomgyu. He smiles.

Hueningkai sits at the chair and allows his eyes to wander around the hall. He searches for that familiar pink hair, fox-eyes, lush lips and-  _ ah, there he is _ .

Yeonjun is indeed the most handsome. 

The elder smiles at him, the twinkle in his eyes mimic the stage lights shining on him. He tries to control his smile but fails miserably. With a confident flick of a finger, he starts pressing on the black and white keys.

His world dissolves into a whirlwind of jolly smiles and rough fingers guiding his small ones, the homey shrieks and laughter of Lea and Bahiyyih, the screams from Taehyun, Soobin, Beomgyu, and a warm and welcoming hug from Yeonjun. 

Always warm, inviting, and feels like home.

He did it.

Hueningkai won the best performer of today's piano recital.

It feels unreal, but when Professor Lim announces his name,  _ Kai Kamal Huening, our next prodigy _ , and the trophy feels super heavy on his hands, reality hits hard,  _ so _ hard that he starts coughing. All the hard work, the sweat and tears, those restless nights are worth it. 

Every student starts to leave the hall. Some of them are staying to help clean the stage, and when Hueningkai wants to join them, Dr Kim chases him out of the hall and locks the door. Other students are smiling at him, cheering him on, and Hueningkai feels proud of himself. He can finally boast about this achievement to his father. 

As he walks across the hall, promising to meet Yeonjun and the others at the garden, he cross-paths with Suk Chin. They stop in the middle of the silent hallway, and Hueningkai is about to continue walking when Suk Chin grabs his wrist, startling him. 

Things are in a definite blur as Suk Chin brings him to the rooftop. 

The air gushes in strong waves, messing with Hueningkai's hair as the other pushes him to the ground.

Suk Chin takes him by the collar as he grits his teeth in resentment, "Do you think you have won? Do you think you have won against me?!" 

Hueningkai feels the foreign power bubbling inside of him, slow but oh-so-powerful, and he pushes Suk Chin away from him. The other was surprised, but he approaches him again and lands a punch on his face. Hueningkai stumbles to the ground, blood oozes from his lips, but he is not scared. He is not the weak and anxious Hueningkai Kamal anymore. 

He spits the blood and wipes his lips. Hueningkai does not move; he waits for Suk Chin to take action. When Suk Chin wants to blow a punch again, Hueningkai dodges. The other seems frustrated when he throws punch after punch to the air, and Hueningkai avoids them all. But he did not see it coming when Suk Chin kicks his legs abruptly, and Hueningkai falls to the ground. 

Suk Chin hovers on top of him; his eyes are redder than before. The other is about to punch him, but Hueningkai holds his fist, and for the first time in his life, he blows a powerful jab on Suk Chin's face.

Hueningkai is not sure if it is  _ too hard _ , but the latter falls back with a loud scowl. He tries to stand up with the help of his quivering arms, the pain is numbing his senses, but the overwhelming bravery in his heart lights up every timidness in his body. 

He glares at Suk Chin who is looking at him in disbelief. "What did I do wrong?"

He walks closer to Suk Chin and kneels in front of him; his heart explodes as anger and frustration pounds in his chest, "What did I do, huh?! Tell me! What did I do?!" 

Suk Chin's eyes do not meet his, and Hueningkai takes him by the collar. "Tell me, Suk Chin! Why did you do this to me?! Why?!" 

He feels it- slow and steady tears are falling from his eyes like a downpour. Every emotion that he felt whenever Suk Chin punches him resurface, and he wants answers. Hueningkai wants to know why the other did this to him.  _ What did he do wrong? _

Suk Chin does not reply, but his lips are trembling, and Hueningkai does not know if it is from anger or regret. 

"Do you feel powerful of oppressing the weak? Do you think you are great because you injected this anxiety and terror into someone's life? Answer me, Suk Chin!" Hueningkai shakes the other's limp body, desperate for an answer, anything that can satisfy his curiosity.

He stares into Suk Chin's eyes and sees nothing. He hates how Suk Chin is lying with his eyes. He despises it so much that he feels sick to the brim. 

Hueningkai lets go of the collar and stands up, shakily. "I do not deserve that. I did not do anything wrong. I worked hard to be where I am now. I practised day and night for the evaluation and exams. I received compliments and praise for  _ my _ effort, and you do not deserve to feel jealous. I worked hard for it, and you could not take out your anger on me, Suk Chin!"

Finally, Suk Chin's eyes are on him. Those eyes are teary and wide as if Hueningkai exposed a big secret to the world.

"If you want to have what I have, work for it, Suk Chin! Why did you lash everything at me?! What makes you think it was the right way?!" 

Slowly, he reaches for the steel railing, composing himself; the coldness burns his fiery heart into embers. Hueningkai glances at Suk Chin and then to the world beneath his feet. A step closer to the edge and he will fall to the ground. 

"Huening!" 

The door opens with a loud bang, and Hueningkai's focus is on the bewildered-looking Yeonjun. His chest feels so tight, too cramped that the dam to his tears breaks all at once. 

Yeonjun approaches him, his eyes are everywhere, his hands are trying to reach for him from afar, but Hueningkai commands him to stop. Now, this confrontation is between Suk Chin and him. He does not want Yeonjun to intervene.

The elder halts his next step, and a part of Hueningkai feels guilty for making the other feel  _ this _ horrified. Those piercing, menacing eyes are droopy and watery, and Hueningkai wants to close them shut right here and there.

But there is something that needs closure, and it is with Suk Chin. He needs to end this for the both of them at once.

He walks forward, so close to the edge that he hears Yeonjun inhaling a sharp breath, desperate to take Hueningkai in his arms. Hueningkai's resolution does not falter as he gazes at Suk Chin, "do you want me to kill myself for you to be happy?"

"HUENING-AH!!!"

Hueningkai looks up at the agitated Yeonjun, so beautiful and handsome in his black dress shirt, his pink hair looks silky even without touching it. He feels intoxicated, to the point that things are becoming nonsensical and irrelevant. 

"Hueningkai-" Suk Chin calls, shaking vigorously, "-do not do that," he says frantically, trying to stop Hueningkai from taking another step forward.

"People like you who bully others for their satisfaction will never understand the fear we went through," Hueningkai starts, looking at the bluest sky he has ever seen in his life. "We wake up every day, trying to find more reasons to live. All you ever did was making us believe it is better to die,"

The breeze is kissing his bruised cheeks, tending the deep cuts on his lips, and all Hueningkai wants right now is to fly away. Instead, Hueningkai does not. He never wants to run away from his fears ever again.

"They took their lives, but do you know who is hurting more? The ones who  _ lived _ . They have to go through life with regret because they did not get to save them from drowning in their sufferings,"

He does not have to look at Yeonjun to know the other is already bawling. The elder remembered his little brother. Seojun was once here; he ended his life because people are mean to him. He did not do anything wrong, but the pain was too much to bear, and he wanted them to  _ stop _ . Hueningkai understands that traumatizing feeling, and he will not let Yeonjun dwell in self-regret anymore.

"How many lives will it take for people to understand that bullying is a serious matter?" Hueningkai directs the question to Suk Chin, but the other remains silent. "They do not deserve to die because of hurtful words and violent beatings. They deserve better. They are humans too,  _ we all are _ ."

It takes a lot of willpower to look at Yeonjun, and when he did, Hueningkai wants to hug the elder so tight that both of them will gasp for air. There is a proud smile on his face, a sincere smile, and something akin to perfection. 

With hesitant steps, he distances himself from the edge and clutches the fabric of his slacks. "I will not let you step on me again, Suk Chin. I will stand up for myself. I have my worth," he pauses, gazing at Yeonjun, "-and I have people who truly love me. I will not make them sad,"

Brazenly, Hueningkai walks pass Suk Chin and stops a few steps away from Yeonjun. Yeonjun, in all his glory with tears cascading his cheeks, a bountiful holo on top of his head, and a smile so wide that Hueningkai yearns to wipe them away with his sinful lips; Hueningkai smiles at him for one last time before falling.

He falls, and Yeonjun is there to catch him safely in his arms.

Hueningkai watches as the elder's eyes travel from his eyes and down to his lips. Yeonjun wipes the dried tracks of blood from the corner of his lips, applying a hefty amount of antiseptic and presses hard on the tender skin. He yelps in pain, and he sees a smug smile on Yeonjun's face.

"Hyung! What was that for?" He asks, looking scandalized. 

Yeonjun ignores his scream of pain and continues to apply the ointment to his wounds. "For making me worried sick. Soobin cried in Taehyun's arms when I told them about today, and Beomgyu asked for Suk Chin's number. Luckily, I did not have it. Who knows what Beomgyu might do to that douche bag?"

"You should not have told them, hyung," he says, feeling the guilt is eating the insides of his body. He can imagine the terror in Soobin's eyes, the tremble of Taehyun's small figure, and the fury in Beomgyu's words. 

Yeonjun looks at him and sighs in defeat. "Even if you try and hide, they will know it someday," 

Hueningkai scratches his head in embarrassment, but his movement stops when Yeonjun gives him  _ that _ look again. "I was so scared, Huening. I thought I was going to lose you, the way I did with Seojun, and I-"

He embraces Yeonjun in his arms, he feels the elder's wavering body in his hold, and he inhales the scent of mint and orange into his lungs. He snuggles closer than necessary, wanting more than just a touch, his heart screams for more than just this mundane gesture of affection. 

Gently, Hueningkai pats the elder's head lovingly as he whispers, "I am sorry, hyung. I did not mean to scare you,"

" _ Idiot _ , you did," Yeonjun says almost too fondly, and every word that hits his neck tickles. Hueningkai cannot help but giggle.

He breaks the hug to look at Yeonjun again. His mesmerizing fox-like eyes swelled, his luscious lips are forming a pout, and Hueningkai knows he finally reached the final level of this game. 

The opened-windows are showcasing a picturesque view of stars and crescent moon. The wind blows in gentle waves tonight, and each hush brings Hueningkai's body closer to Yeonjun's.  _ It is a perfect time to confess _ , his heart ticks. 

His hands travel from Yeonjun's broad shoulders, down to his bicep, leaving light touches on his arms and curls around his fingers. Hueningkai takes Yeonjun's hands and places them on his chest, where his heart is beating ridiculously fast. 

Yeonjun's eyes are turning into big O's, and that sight is so endearing. Hueningkai wants to remember them forever. "Hyung, I do not think I can take this anymore," 

The latter's lips are mouthing incoherent words, but Hueningkai smiles as he breathes out, "I love you."

The whole universe is flaring in streaks of pink and blue; every galaxy is merging into one and makes up the stars in Yeonjun's eyes. 

"I love you; nothing more or less. I love you, Yeonjun-hyung,"

If only Hueningkai has his camera with him, it would be nice to capture Yeonjun's most breathtaking look. Yeonjun has always been beautiful, but tonight, amongst the twinkling stars and glimmering moon, crystals dancing on his cheeks; Yeonjun looks stunning, dazzling,  _ fascinating _ .

He waits for a reply, but he receives a punch on his chest instead. "I was about to confess first..." the elder timidly replies, and his dolphin-like shriek resounds in the small space again.

Yeonjun looks up, and their eyes met. The elder flashes his million-dollar smile, and Hueningkai feels weak all of a sudden. "I love you too, Ning," 

It is more than enough.

No extravagant gestures, just pure and unfiltered love for each other.

All of a sudden, Yeonjun tackles him to the floor and hovers on top of him. Taken by surprise, Hueningkai's mouth hangs open, wide enough for flies to come and go. Yeonjun laughs at him, so bubbly and cheeky. Hueningkai wants to listen to that melodious tune forever.

"Hyung!"

"Not so confident now, huh, Huening?" Yeonjun asks playfully, quirking his eyebrows, challenging him.

As much as Hueningkai wants to retaliate, he has enough of playing this push-and-pull game with Yeonjun. The elder will win anyway because Hueningkai is such a goner for this  _ Choi Yeonjun _ .

He lifts both of his hands to the air in defeat, "Okay, hyung. I surrender,"

Their laughter emerges into one harmonious tune, and Hueningkai watches in awe as Yeonjun's fingers trail feathery touches on his forehead, eyebrows, nose, cheeks, and lands on his lips. 

_ "I have placed my mark here," Yeonjun acclaims, and the finger confidently stops at his thin lips. " Soon, when you are ready," the elder says with a hint of determination and a tinge of emotion that Hueningkai cannot decipher.  _

"H-hyung," Hueningkai stutters, feeling his cheeks warming up intensely.

Yeonjun gazes at him with nothing but fondness. "Whenever you are ready," he says, voice husky and rich with love.

Hueningkai stares into Yeonjun's awaiting eyes; the man that turns his world upside down, an angel that breathes spring into his winter life. How can Hueningkai ever say no?

He feels lightheaded as his lips mums a reply, "I am ready."

The elder carefully rests his palms on his cheek, and the contrasting sensation of hot and cold excites Hueningkai to the fullest. He watches as Yeonjun's perfect features decorate every expanse of his view, and sucks in a breath as those plump lips meet his in a tender kiss.

Yeonjun applies the right amount of pressure, nibbling on his bottom lip, biting his upper lip teasingly, and  _ God _ , Hueningkai almost passed out from raw ecstasy. The elder chases after his lips, kissing them, devouring them like a hungry beast, and Hueningkai gives into every advance with a desperate grip on the elder's pink hair and a demanding hand clutching onto Yeonjun's dress shirt. He wants them all, and Yeonjun gives them to him, one pleasure at a time. 

When they parted, Yeonjun's irises darkened, and the elder growls. " _ God _ ,  _ Huening _ ," he says breathlessly, every syllable laced heavily with love and desire. 

Hueningkai smiles at him, a content smile, a smile that blossoms like those flowers in the garden. 

Yeonjun looks at him, fond eyes are back, and soft peck lands on his puffed lips. "I am so in love with you, Huening-ah," 

He feels a garden of roses is blooming in his chest. Today, this moment by far, the happiest day in Hueningkai's life.

With a chuckle, Hueningkai pulls Yeonjun's face closer to his once again and kisses him mindless,  _ senseless _ , with so much love that it is overpouring. 

With every giggle that escapes Yeonjun's full lips, Hueningkai swallows them all proudly. 

That night, Hueningkai falls asleep in Yeonjun's arms, with spring finally melting his winter heart. 


	9. spring has finally come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flowers are blossoming everywhere, painting his vision with an explosion of pink, yellow, red; all things beautiful that screams spring is here, and spring has finally arrived.

Everything feels like a dream.

When Hueningkai awakens after a deep and peaceful slumber, another pair of eyes are staring affectionately at him. Hueningkai thought he was still dreaming, _still_ in a trance, but when Yeonjun pokes his cheeks with a light chuckle falling from his lush lips- _it is not a dream after all_.

It is hard to breathe, especially when Yeonjun looks at him with those eyes; all the stars and moon on the vast galaxy are dangling playfully in those orbs. Hueningkai wonders if Yeonjun realizes how handsome and ethereal he looks at the moment; pink strands of hair falling to his face messily, smooth skin glowing under the warm, golden hue, and lips that are red and plump looking. It is still so early in the morning, _so_ early to make Hueningkai's heart pound hard and fast as if they went for a marathon. 

But, Hueningkai's heart still beats too rapidly amid everything. 

He follows every movement of Yeonjun's eyes, every confident advance of lithe fingers on his face, and watches in amazement when Yeonjun smiles at him. Yeonjun's orbs are warm like two globes of a red sun, and Hueningkai feels his body, his existence, gravitating to the other without any safety guard to secure him in place. Those eyes are magnificently glimmering with every twinkle of the stardust across the universe. They are looking at him with so much love, so much that it overwhelms Hueningkai, filling his swollen heart to the brim.

Hueningkai hides his face with the pillow, his cheeks are flaring up, and he does not want the elder to notice this. He does not want the elder to know the effect he has on him, let alone know how much he cares and love Yeonjun. Yes, he was confident the day before, but this morning he transforms back to the shy and reserved Hueningkai. 

Yeonjun touches him, a fleeting press on his hands, and Hueningkai lights up even more to the point of emblazing. Yeonjun is laughing again, bubbles upon bubbles are floating around, and Hueningkai catches them with the help of his eyes. But, Yeonjun is always patient with him; he will wait until Hueningkai is ready. He never forces him to do things out of his comfort zone, always encouraging him with a brief touch or a small smile. It is enough, sometimes too much for Hueningkai to bear. Deep down, Hueningkai appreciates the elder's attentiveness, and he falls even more for Yeonjun due to that reason.

When Hueningkai discards the pillow from covering his face animatedly, Yeonjun is already looking at him, a warm smile lacing his lips. Hueningkai smiles with remnants of red dusting his cheeks lightly. Yeonjun pulls him closer to his arms, hugging him in his embrace, and Hueningkai confidently acclaims this is where he rightfully belongs. 

When Hueningkai sits and watches Yeonjun prepares breakfast for them both: a life-changing notion crosses his mind. It comes fast, like lightning striking the earth, a sudden zap, but the feelings linger for more than forever; _you are so in love with him_. 

Hueningkai's heart stops beating instantly. Reality hits him, over and over again, that he loves Yeonjun too much that it does not make sense. But it does make sense, in the most nonsensical way.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I look too handsome today?"

Yeonjun pinches his cheeks, but Hueningkai lets him. He allows Yeonjun to pinch his cheeks until it turns darker in crimson; he needs that pain to make him believe this is not a dream. 

The elder stops; his eyes travel all over Hueningkai's face, questioning the younger's quietness. "Ning-ah, are you okay?" 

Honestly, Yeonjun's presence renders him speechless and breathless. Hueningkai cannot find the voice in him to reply, or let alone expose the true feelings of his heart right now. All he can do now is smile. He hopes Yeonjun will understand the unsaid emotions from his eyes. 

Yeonjun seems to understand because his eyes are softer, fonder, and Hueningkai is starstruck again.

"Okay, then. Eat your breakfast, and afterwards, you can stare at my face for as long as you want," 

Hueningkai punches the elder on his chest for being cheesy and cocky, but he cannot contain the smile from sprouting. Yeonjun scowls, threatening to flick Hueningkai's forehead, but he sticks his tongue out, teasing the elder until Yeonjun chases him around the small apartment while holding a spatula.

He did get flicked on the forehead, but Yeonjun kisses the reddening spot repeatedly, soft and light pecks tending his skin. Another thought crosses his mind; _how can you be so hopelessly in love?_

Hueningkai does not know the answer; he does know loving Yeonjun is anything but hopeless.

  
The lecture hall roars with thunderous clapping from all students as Mijin ends her presentation successfully. 

Yeonjun plays with the ends of his cue cards, checking on the details repeatedly, afraid if he will mess up his final project. He reads them through again, memorizing some crucial points, and examines the slides he prepared diligently with the help of Hueningkai. Everything seems ready, but he is still scared of ruining the presentation. 

He is presenting about Hueningkai Kamal, KNU's next piano prodigy, one of the most talented composers out of all the freshmen, and for sure Yeonjun wants to do his very best. Besides, this is his boyfriend- of course, Yeonjun intends to show the world how lucky he is to have Hueningkai as his lover.

"Mr Choi, you are up next,"

Professor Park's voice resonates in the hall, and Yeonjun feels all eyes are on him. He coughs the awkwardness away, scratches the back of his head and gathers all the materials, trying to recompose himself along the way. 

Climbing a few steps to the stage, Yeonjun walks toward the small table backstage and hands the USB to the technician with a grateful smile. He pushes the curtains away and stands in the middle of the stage. Yeonjun fixes his white dress shirt, tucks a strand of hair behind his ears, and smiles to hide the nervousness circulating in his body.

The slides are projecting to the big screen; he inhales a deep breath as he bows politely to Professor Park and the audience. 

"Good morning to Professor Park and my classmates. I will start my presentation with a short disclaimer," Yeonjun signals the technician to change the slide.

Everyone starts to murmur, and Professor Park looks at him while shaking his head; a proud smile is evident on his lips as he scans through the hardcopy between his fingers.

"I am dedicating this presentation to my boyfriend, Kai Kamal Huening, the next whiz of the music department, aside from getting high marks, that is," Yeonjun confesses with a breathy chuckle. The students laugh chirpily at him. Some girls are squealing in their seats, some are clapping at him non-stop, and Yeonjun feels his confidence is boosting rapidly. 

Yeonjun starts again as the excitement dies down, "You will be surprised by Hueningkai's awesomeness and diverse musical abilities. Therefore, I hope no girls or boys will dare ask Huening for his number after my presentation ends. He is not single. He is mine, thank you."

The boys are howling, and the girls are screaming. Yeonjun laughs along with them, but only he knows the seriousness of his words. Yeonjun is not possessive, but he loves Hueningkai, and that is all that matters.

If Yeonjun caught someone trying to ask for Hueningkai's number, he swears something ugly will happen to them. 

Hueningkai fixes the collar of Yeonjun's baby blue shirt, pats the uneven powder on the elder's chin, and pushes the naughty strands of hair behind the diamond-pierced pinna. He stops when he notices the other's eyes are intently looking at his every gesture, feeling the oh-too familiar sensation is burning each expanse of his skin. 

"Hyung, stop looking at me like that," Hueningkai whines as he combs Yeonjun's shoulder-length hair delicately.

One time and another, a soft hum escapes the elder's lips, and the sound entrances Hueningkai into a dream-like reality. At this point, Hueningkai believes he looks like an idiot helplessly in love with a handsome, charming prince from the land of far, far away. Hueningkai facepalms himself, accepting the fact that he is hopelessly revolving the axis with no return. 

"Why? I cannot look at my boyfriend?" Yeonjun asks, teasing him, challenging him.

He pushes the elder a few inches away from him, but Yeonjun is quick to pull his body closer. Their chest meets, and even though he is taller than Yeonjun, the latter makes him feel small that he wants to disappear right here and then. 

But after being with Yeonjun for a long time, Hueningkai has learned to recompose himself whenever the latter takes him off guard. He breathes in and searches for the elder's eyes. He flashes the most beautiful smile he can muster, testing Yeonjun's weakness that Hueningkai gladly uses for his advantage. Yeonjun can never resist his smile, and it will always make him tongue-tied. 

As expected, Yeonjun is silent. Only his ebony-coloured orbs are looking at him waveringly; Hueningkai cheers in victory.

His fingers travel to Yeonjun's shoulders, lightly tapping them, and stops at the other's slim waist. "Of course, you can, hyung. But we should keep things low after what had happened that day," Hueningkai says. Red is brushing his pillow-like cheeks again as he remembers that faithful day.

"Wait," Yeonjun interrupts, genuinely in confusion, "-what exactly happened...?"

Hueningkai looks at Yeonjun in disbelief.

Yeonjun looks at him puzzlingly. 

"Hyung! Everyone in university is shipping us! Have you seen the tags? I-" Hueningkai pauses as he remembers the fanfic he read a few days ago about them. His whole body tingles; the story is, um, it is better to remain silent.

"-I am speechless whenever I read the posts under the tags!" Hueningkai expresses his shock; his hands flail everywhere as he tries to make Yeonjun believe. Some posts are sweet and encouraging, while the others are a bit too graphic.

Yeonjun stares at him, stupefy, and soon the laughter booms in the room. 

"Hyung, it is not funny," Hueningkai pouts and truly pushes the elder away from him. 

He sits at the chair facing the mirror and fixes his hair, all awhile ignoring the still-laughing Choi Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun approaches him again and rests his hands on his clothed shoulders soothingly. "Hey, sweetheart, I am not laughing at you," the latter says, his eyes are smiling at him too. 

Hueningkai turns to look at Yeonjun, cheeks red, "Then, why are you laughing, hyung?"

"I have seen the tags, but I chose to ignore them. If they are shipping us, does that not mean they accept us? They are cheering for us, praying for our happiness, and I think it is beautiful," He explains, and the glimmer in his eyes are too blinding. Hueningkai's heart feels airy and light; he smiles again.

"'We do not have to think about others, Huening," Yeonjun says, bopping his nose to Hueningkai's, and his breath hitches, "-we only have to think of ourselves, okay?"

Realization knocks him harshly, and Hueningkai can only smile sheepishly at his childishness. 

Yeonjun fixes his hair, straightening the thin, woollen earth-brown sweatshirt and helps Hueningkai to stand. The elder lifts his chin in one swift motion and pecks his lips. "I do not care about anyone else. I am only going to focus on you, so you should focus on me too. _Only me_ ,"

One thing about Yeonjun is, he will always successfully make his legs deceive him, his heart palpating at an inhumane speed, and his chest to grow so tight that it is deliciously suffocating. 

Hueningkai lets out a breathless laugh as he says, "We should hurry. We do not want to be late for Taehyun and Soobin's first date,"

Yeonjun's eyes turn into big circles, and it is endearing. "Oh, yeah! I forgot about that for a second. You are too distracting," Yeonjun says cheekily.

"They must be super nervous, huh?"

"I think Soobin-hyung will be more nervous than Taehyun," Hueningkai says, and Yeonjun laughs along with him.

"I agree. Soobinnie could not even sleep last night. He is too nervous, but we both know it will end up good for them," Yeonjun adds, and Hueningkai finds this moment to be loveable. His best friend finally found the guts to ask Soobin out, and they long-know of Soobin's not-so-subtle affection towards Taehyun. He is happy for them both.

Yeonjun inspects him one last time, and Hueningkai dabs a tiny amount of lipgloss on the latter's lips for good measure. "All set and ready!" Yeonjun announces.

As they reach the door, Yeonjun turns around and faces Hueningkai with an outstretched hand. He sees this, and with a jolly smile, Hueningkai laces their fingers together and exits the apartment. A melodic tune of love is playing in their hearts, constructing an orchestra as they pass by the green leaves and growing flowers. 

Looking at Taehyun now, Hueningkai agrees that love makes people glow most breathtakingly. 

Taehyun smiles from ear-to-ear as Soobin compliments his handsome looks, and Soobin playfully hits Taehyun's chest as the other holds his hands for the first time (officially after becoming boyfriends). 

Taehyun glances at him and Hueningkai reciprocates with teary eyes and a proud smile. He is ecstatic, thankful, and proud to see his soulmate being so stupidly in love and happy with someone that equals and compliments him. Hueningkai wants to be like this forever. Even though forever seems vague and ambiguous, but we can all hope for that happy ending at the end of every story.

Beomgyu is teasing the lovebirds as he takes multiple polaroid pictures of the new couple. The other capture a picture or two of him and Yeonjun too. When the polaroid is ready, Hueningkai examines the photo with a loving smile. 

The world stops moving as his eyes find Yeonjun's again. 

The sound of people chattering quietens down, the spring sun shines their brightest ray on Yeonjun's figure, enhancing every features exquisitely with the help of yellow and orange hues. Hueningkai can only hear the beautiful sound of Yeonjun's laugh, the sparkle in his eyes, the sweet smile on his face, and the hotness of skin on his cold ones. Flowers are blossoming everywhere, painting his vision with an explosion of pink, yellow, red; all things beautiful that screams spring is here, and spring has finally arrived. 

Hueningkai has never thought his frozen, winter heart will melt, but Yeonjun came to him like a warm breeze of spring that day and proved to him that no season lasts forever.

Yeonjun helps him find the true meaning of life and the intensity of pure love and adoration. Yeonjun makes him realize that home is not always in the form of four walls, but it can also be from someone he loves. 

Hueningkai loves Yeonjun; nothing more or less.

And when Yeonjun smiles at him again, the elder is breathing spring into his winter life again. Every organ, every blood vessel, and every vein is defrosting as a warm breeze kisses the coldness with tender and faithful love. Hueningkai feels alive.

As their hands' touch, Yeonjun pulls him close as they run towards the sun. They are heading to a new beginning, a hopeful promise of better tomorrows and a vow of only good things.

Choi Yeonjun is just like spring, and Hueningkai wants Yeonjun to blossom in his life if, not always, forever. 

Hueningkai glances at Yeonjun, his heart is screaming, but no words are coming from his lips. 

_Forever?_

Yeonjun smiles at him dazzlingly. 

_Forever_.

Finally, spring has restored in Hueningkai's previously-winter life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello to the readers of again, spring!
> 
> looks like we have already reached the end of this story. whew. I cannot believe that I have written this story in the first place. when I first published this story, I did not have high hopes because I solely want to write a tale of yeonkai. I did not expect to gain some new friends, along with new writing experience from this story. somehow, while writing this story, I discovered more about myself, my style of writing and how can I improve in the future. you guys helped me in finding that, and I will forever be grateful. 
> 
> I have no other words than deep gratitude to everyone that has been following this story since day one. thank you so much for reading and commenting. your words made my day, and it made me believe in my writing. thank you very much.
> 
> it is sad to end this story, but as I have said before, everything must come to an end. maybe someday, I will write another story for yeonkai? ;-)
> 
> thank you so much to everyone! I hope that you will enjoy this story. I hope you will gain something from this humble piece of mine. thank you!
> 
> until next time! stay healthy. stay happy everyone! have a great weekend ahead.
> 
> best regards,  
> na. 
> 
> [ps: I listened to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NckSniGd1I) song while writing the last chapter]
> 
> [pps: you can find me on twitter; [@orenjiuyus](https://twitter.com/orenjiuyus):-)]


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